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Wii Can’t Stand It!

Weier Not Amused

Mar. 31, 2010
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For those freaks in the world who are actually athletically talented, sports injuries are a common occurrence. If you get on the field, you are going to get hurt. There’s no crying in baseball. But for the rest of the population who would rather roll off the couch to get another beer instead of wearing sweatpants from high school that don’t fit anymore, there is a new plague setting up shop.

I’m going go out on a limb and say that if you’ve never picked up a football you probably know your way around a video game controller. Xbox, Playstation, and Nintendo have always been safe havens for us physically challenged and socially inept nerds who just want to be left alone with our old pals Mario, Zelda and whatever flavor-of-the-week sports star who hasn’t gone to jail.

For years we’ve been fused to our bean-bag chairs with an unlimited supply of high fructose corn syrup drinks. But with a little invention know as the Nintendo Wii, we are entering our own arena of pain. Pulled hamstrings from yoga, asthma attacks from running, and tennis elbow from tennis? Really? What? Forget the glorious hours of sitting on my ass and letting the little characters move with a simple push of up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, B, A, select, start.

So I call a revolution right now. Wii, you are super fun and I love to play Jimi Hendrix on Rock Band, but, dude, seriously, you need to slow your roll. Don’t make me move more than I have to other than when my mom calls me downstairs for my afternoon PB & J. Consider this an intervention.


Would white supremacists, neo-Nazis and the Ku Klux Klan pose the same threat they do now if a mainstream Republican were president instead of Donald Trump?

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