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No Conan

Weier Not Amused

Feb. 17, 2010
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Day 100. No Conan. The world seems colder, crueler. Beauty has melted and collected in dull puddles. Children’s laughter has faded into a gentle whisper of the wind. Conando, we hardly knew ye.

The O’Brien vs. Leno debacle isn’t a petty Hollywood divorce where the media demands we pick a side and wear a shirt with our favorite “team.” No. This is serious. We have lost our great leader in late night, our commander in cheap jokes about why politicians are ridiculously similar to horny, drunk teenagers and how hilarious the year 3000 will be. The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien is no more. Coco is done. Will it be forever? Probably not. Will it be the same? Never.

I blame myself. I didn’t dedicate 10:35 pm to Conzey. We all could have done our part and tuned in more. There is nothing left for us fans to do but call a strike. All those who are with Coco need to stand up and demand he be returned to the place he rightfully belongs—the shining throne of NBC late night comedy. I was thinking about growing a strike beard, sort of a throw back to the days of the writer’s strike, but I realized I physically can’t. Thanks world. It’s just another way the man keeps me down.

There is a lot of talk of him going to Fox. This will probably happen. Who knows? I heard something about TBS. Considering I don’t really own a television and I hate the internet, I won’t believe anything until I see that glorious heard of red hair and translucent white skin on a screen again. We could all go see him on tour, but who has that kind of petty cash?

Nobody really knows what the future holds for all the Conan O’Brien fans of the world, but we can be sure that Finland will be mourning for months, possibly years to come. We just need to hold our heads up and think positively. Oh, who am I kidding? I’ll be holed up in my room watching pirated clips of old Triumph the Insult Comedy Dog sketches with Japanese subtitles until summer comes. And who knows? Maybe in November NBC can cancel my birthday too.


Would white supremacists, neo-Nazis and the Ku Klux Klan pose the same threat they do now if a mainstream Republican were president instead of Donald Trump?

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