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Sorry Cleveland

Weier Not Amused

Jul. 13, 2010
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Hey, Cleveland. How ya doing, little buddy? I heard the news. It’s all over the television and newspapers. Lebron is going to Miami. Tough break, I know. It just doesn’t seem to make any sense. I mean, why would he leave the 33rd largest city in America, and the home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for warm, luxurious, model-filled Miami? Is he crazy? Why would he want to be surrounded by wealth and premium drugs when he could by buried in a mountain of snow in the Cleve? Who wants to be by beautiful beaches in Florida when he can be so close to Lake Erie?


What does the Heat have to offer anyway? Just because Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade have signed on too doesn’t mean they will be virtually unstoppable. Who said anything about an untouchable, holy triumvirate? Basketball isn’t really about skill anyway. We all know it’s about how much you believe in yourself and how much fun you have in spite of losing. When it comes down to it, it’s really about playing some ball with your friends, and not crying when yet another title slips through your hands.


So buck up. You didn’t see Green Bay whine like this when they lost Brett Favre to the New York Jets, and then the Minnesota Vikings. No, sir. They handled it very well when they lost undeniably one of the NFL’s best quarterbacks of all time to one of their most hated rivals in the league.


It’s going to be pretty painful to watch Lebron unmercifully beat the Cav’s asses all over the court when you have to play them the first time, but by the second game you sort of settle into a numb state and renounce your religion. What kind of God would let you be this miserable when you already have to deal with Midwest winters, cheer for the Browns, and, oh yeah, live in fucking Cleveland?  

Cleveland, there is no use crying over spilled milk. So what if Lebron is “The King,” and possibly a robot sent from the future to rule American basketball? You never know, there may be another super-human, basketball prodigy who will actually want to play in Cleveland. I suggest you start scouring high schools all over the country for anyone with seems like they could go pro and do awesome Bubblicious commercials. You deserve a second chance.


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