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Star-Spangled Banger

Nov. 8, 2010
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I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, it’s Election Tuesday afternoon, Nov. 2, and I only got a couple, three minutes before I’m taking off Up North to Hayward, so I’ll make this snappy.

Yeah yeah, I took a look at the latest election polls from across the nation and it seems to be a good time for me to get out of town, and I got a creepy feeling that come Wednesday morning Nov. 3 and I check the election results, it may be a good time for me to get out of the country, what the fock.

OK, got to go. But I’ll leave you with a little story that I feel very close to this election season.

A man with no arms and no legs is out lying on the beach one day, enjoying his chance to get some sun. A beautiful woman walks by, stops and says, “You poor man, I’ll bet you've never been kissed have you?” The man has to admit that no, he never has. The beautiful woman bends down and plants a tender kiss upon his lips.

A few minutes later, an even more beautiful woman walks up to our limbless sunbather and says, “You look like you could use a nice hug.” He agrees that he surely could use a nice hug, which she then sweetly administers, and walks away.

A while later, an absolute drop-dead gorgeous gal walks by. She stops, and with a sultry smile on her face, looks down at him and says, “Mister, have you ever been focked?" Displaying a hopeful grin, he says, “No. I have not.” And the drop-dead gorgeous gal, as she turns to walk away, says, “Well, you are now. The tide's coming in.”

Yes sir, some may ask that “God bless America,” but as for me, it makes more sense to ask that “Heaven help us,” ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.


Would white supremacists, neo-Nazis and the Ku Klux Klan pose the same threat they do now if a mainstream Republican were president instead of Donald Trump?

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