Slam Dink

Mar. 19, 2008
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I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? And come to think of it, let’s hold on a cotton-fock-ing-picking minute here, stop the music, stop the music.

It being Holy Week this week, I felt behooved to take some time off from the day-to-day godforsaken rat race of modern American economics, and to bless myself with a retreatfully quiet period so as to observe and religiously fulfill the solemn task of completing my bracketform-thing for this year’s Men’s NCAA College Basketball Tournament, praise the lord.

Over the years of participating in these yearly collegiate bracket pools, I’ve learned that pissing away eighthours-a-day of company time on making my selections just wasn’t getting the job done, I kid you not. I need more time than that if I’m ever going to be truly serious about winning the buck two-eighty jackpot. For christ sakes, this year I’ve already spent more than 16 hours researching the #8 Indiana vs. #9 Arkansas match-up, and yet the best I can figure is that it’ll come down to a prayer.

So I got to go. It being Holy Week and all I suppose I really ought to choose a nice Catholic school as my choice to win it all—a Marquette, Xavier, maybe even Notre focking Dame. But screw that. This year I say “Go Badgers!” ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.


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