from 100 Myoclonic Jerks
May. 8, 2011
I noticed a human fetus floating in my coffee. I motioned to the waitress. She ignored
me. I remembered why I’d stopped going there.
When I walked into her apartment I felt like a kid in a candy store. You know, all nervous and confused, having a hard time breathing, not really sure when would be the right time to throw myself on the floor sobbing uncontrollably.
The woman across the hall collects refrigerator magnets. All night long, there’s this
scraping sound as my appliances move slowly across the floor.
I think long and hard about what I am going to say, then I say it, but by that time the situation has changed and I’m talking to a totally different person.
She asked me if I would ever have sex with a corpse. I said, “Yes, but it would have to be
a very unusual situation.”
I was watching the Animal Channel. They showed a row of chickens with typewriters. All but one earned a kernel of corn each time it pecked a key. A researcher asked that chicken why it kept typing. The chicken said, “I have no choice. I’m a poet.”
Dan Nielsen is a life-long resident of Wisconsin. His work has appeared in Exquisite Corpse, Wormwood Review, and Wisconsin Review, as well as Stand Up Poetry: The Anthology, published by The University Press, California State University, Long Beach.