Home / Columns / Poetry / Aretha Frankenstein

Aretha Frankenstein

Apr. 29, 2012
Google plus Linkedin Pinterest

I grew up in, I think, Backstreet Boise, Idaho, reading Edgar Allen Poetry near the Berlin Walgreen's where I bought my 98 Degreesces Pieces. Unfortunately, Guns N' Roosevelt tore it down during the Dick Cheneysaw Massacre and replaced it with a Bed, Bath, and Beyonce. I lived in the Love Shaq with Ball Park Frank Sinatra because rent was cheap and he made a wicked Starkraft Mac & Cheese with Celine Dijon and Michelle Branch Dressing. However, he would persistently ask to borrow my shoes. I would tell him These Boots Are Made For Christopher Walken, but he played on the Eleanor Rugby team and gave Deep Purple Nurples so I gave them up and there, in my boots, and on my System Of A Down Comforter he would just sit and pick at the Black Eyed Herpes of his Shrektum and scratch his Syphilis Diller and Hepatitus Cee-Lo all over the Ghonorhianna on his Back Sabbath while downloading music and shouting, "I Can't Believe It's Not Buttsex!" at my Picassony flatscreen TV. I asked him to get me some music once, but he just told me that "Jimi Hendrix Are For Kids" and "Dude, You're Getting Adele." This is when I developed my Bob Dylonger Escape Plan: E=MCDonalds. I went to fill our Super MaREO Speedwagon with Beethoven Diesel singing "Bawitdabadachittychittybangbang," and thinking, "What Would Jesus Dude, Where's My Car?" and there in the Xerox Warrior Printer was the agreement between Frank and the screen name, AbeLinc182, to trade the wagon for a MicroWaveRunner and so I needed a beer. I heard There Will Be Bloodweiser and Mick Jagger Bombs at Bill Cosby's Stills and Mash, but before I could even taste my first Bloody Mary Poppins we all heard Panic! at the Discount Store across the street. Outside, Soulja Boy Meets World of Warcraft. He was trying to Catch Frasier and prevent him from playing the Chris Brown Note. Dr. Drelittle was giving a grammamammogram to Macy Grey's Anatomy and Rick James' Addiction was worsening. I received a Kiss From A Roseanne and Nirvanna White revealed to me that This was No Country for Boyz II Men. I decided that day to Puff the Magic Daddy and leave with Jefferson Snakes on an Airplane for the Green Bowl Packers event where Britney Shakes Spears at Robert Plant of the Apes. The flight was beautiful, but you should have seen it before we were born. Ass to mouth, dust to dust.

Zachagawea Lewisandclark, born Zachary Lewis and still named Zachary Lewis, grew up in a village outside of Madison, WI, called Cross Plains where he first discovered his fandom in words, music, and visual arts. He moved Milwaukee, WI, in 2007 where he continues to write, paint, cook eggs for money, and construct songs with the bands Lord Brain and Slam Dunk. His poem, "Aretha Frankenstein," was realized with the help of his friend and fellow musician, Douglas Mellon.


Are you upset by the way the NFL and the team owners have treated Colin Kaepernick?

Getting poll results. Please wait...