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His-and-Hers Harnesses

Aug. 29, 2013
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My husband and I are thinking about exploring anal sex. We both want to get the experience of penetration. I would need a strap-on, and I want him to wear one too. Is this a crazy idea? Can you recommend a his-and-hers strap-on set? Also, are there any books on this subject?

This is not a crazy idea at all! Both men and women (and anyone of any gender, really) can wear harnesses and use dildos to penetrate their partners. In fact, if a couple is interested in exploring anal play, it’s a great idea for each of them to experience being both the top and the bottom—the person doing the penetration and the person being penetrated. This allows for a nuanced understanding of the mechanics of anal play and can lead to better communication and enhanced pleasure for everyone involved. Some people strongly prefer taking one role or the other, and that’s OK too—but if both of you are eager to switch it up, go for it.

Quality harnesses and dildos can be expensive, and if you are just starting out on your anal adventures, you may not want to drop a ton of cash on separate gear for each of you. Most harnesses are designed for female-bodied people, and they might be uncomfortable for someone with a penis and testicles to wear. There are some harnesses that are specifically designed for male bodies (such as the SpareParts Deuce and the Leatherbeaten Orion), meaning that they make room for the penis when worn.

There is no reason that these harnesses can’t be worn by a female-bodied person too; with the Deuce, there might be a little extra fabric between your legs, and with the Orion, the leather strap that goes around the penis can be completely removed, making it very similar to a traditional leather harness designed for women. Since the Deuce is machine-washable, it’s easier to clean it between wearers. The main issue would be whether you and your husband would be able to wear the same size harness. They are both adjustable, but not infinitely.

Both harnesses can accommodate a variety of different dildos because of their flexible or changeable o-rings, so the only remaining thing would be to pick out one or more dildos that you both want to try. Both the Tantus Silk and Wet for Her Toy 5 Jules dildos are great for anal play, because they come in a variety of sizes and are very smooth, which makes them easy to insert. In addition, they are 100% silicone and can easily be sterilized by boiling for a few minutes in between uses, which means they are safe to share between more than one person.

Anal sex expert Tristan Taormino  has a number of books and DVDs that might be helpful to you: The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, The Expert Guide to Pegging: Strap-On Anal Sex for Couples, and more. I also recommend Bill Brent’s Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men. Happy exploring!

Laura Anne Stuart owns the Tool Shed, an erotic boutique on Milwaukee’s East Side. She has a master’s degree in public health and has worked as a sexuality educator for more than fifteen years. Want Laura to answer your questions in SEXPress? Send them to laura@shepex.com. Not all questions received will be answered in the column, and Laura cannot provide personal answers to questions that do not appear here. Questions sent to this address may be reproduced in this column, both in print and online, and may be edited for clarity and content.


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