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Confessions: Oct. 11

Oct. 11, 2013
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  • I'm a parking checker downtown  & I go out of my way to ticket lefty cars, because I refuse to "coexist"!
  • I leave gay porn out on my desk in hopes that my wife will get the hint and figure it out on her own. I am just too scared to say it myself.
  • It would not faze me one bit if my son came out of the closet. But if he ever had the nerve to tell me he was a republican I would lose my sh*t!
  • I have dreams and nightmares about you both at times. For the conniving jobless usurper, I am sorry for stabbing you in the neck with a pen after our argument in my nightmare last night. I want to forget.
  • I accidently saw my boyfriend’s internet browsing history last night. I expected to see a bunch of porn websites, but instead I saw searches for “ways to better communicate with my girlfriend”. He’s a keeper.
  • The amount of anger and tension I have building up inside of me is dangerous. I am terrified to go into public because I don’t know what the last straw will be that will cause me to snap and just beat the crap out of whoever is around.
  • I fantasize about sabotaging your wedding. The plot gets better and better as each day passes. You’ll get what’s coming to you.
  • I deleted my Facebook account because I told people it was a waste of time and I needed to focus on work. The truth is, it was causing me such depression to see everyone in my life so happy when I am at such a low point.
  • My wife and I are having some martial problems. She got upset with me and slapped me across the face. It took all of me not to slap her right back. I wanted to go file a report of domestic abuse but I feel like that’d be a huge blow to my manhood. I just can’t win here.
  • My confession is that I am obsessed with the Kardashians. I watch every Sunday night. I am a 36 year old, straight male, but I have a thing for Scott Disick.
  • My uncle passed away last week and of course I am expected to go to his funeral. It will be the happiest day of my life to see that man who molested me as a child lying dead right in front of me. I only wish it would have happened sooner.
  • I don’t even pity you anymore. In fact, I don’t think about you at all, and that means I have finally won.


The debate over replacing Obamacare has exposed some of the problems and difficulties with America’s current healthcare system. Do you believe the debate has made the country more likely to adopt a single-payer system?

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