My friend Fred was best man at a same-sex wedding this past weekend. I know, that’s not really news. Nowadays gay weddings take place all the time. But this couple, Jim Lewis and Ron Herget, have been together almost 50 years. Actually, as noteworthy as that may be, many same-sex relationships have endured even longer. But what sets this relationship apart is it’s interracial. Jim is black and Ron is white.
They first met on January 1, 1968 at a party in Chicago. Jim, at the time, was 21 and Ron 25. It was just a few years after the 1964 Civil Rights Act, just months after Milwaukee’s race riots and segregationist George Wallace was running for president. In fact, Milwaukee was considered the most segregated city in the country (sadly, it still is).
Originally from Mississippi, where racial enmity is a fact of life, Jim moved to Chicago in ’63. Life was so different there he thought he was in Paradise. Ron was a local, studied medicine at Marquette and became a successful pediatric surgeon.
As fate would have it, Jim’s company transferred him to Milwaukee. Needing a place to stay, he moved in with Ron. Their relationship grew but not without its ups and downs. More ups, the couple will agree, but they stoically endured the downs that may have otherwise torn them apart.
On a family level, Ron’s brothers thought two men living together, especially of different races, was suspect. Tensions developed. Ron’s family would make remarks about blacks using the “N” word, and he had to navigate them, not turning a blind eye but not wanting to disconnect from his family. Still, although his mother came around, communication with his brothers ceased. “The beginning relationship with Jim was the beginning of the end of the relationship with my family. I think my family resented Jim more because he was black than because he was gay,” Ron admits. However, Jim’s family accepted them and took to Ron right away…well, except Jim’s stepfather who hated whites and gays. He once pulled out a gun and went nose to nose with Ron but Jim’s mother intervened and threw the man out of the house never to be seen again.
Professionally, the only ones who knew were Ron’s gay colleagues. They kept quiet because they were in the closet too.
In 1978 the couple moved to Washington County, Wis. There the neighbors greeted them not with welcome baskets but with vandalism and harassment. The village doubled their tax assessment requiring the state to intervene before the taxes were rolled back. Sadly, the pair admits, they still experience more racism and homophobia there than they ever did in Milwaukee.
Despite all, they’ve remained together. “We’ve equalized our love for each other and found our equilibrium. That’s why we are still together. When my brother got married, he asked my mother if she thought his bride would be the right wife for him. She said, ‘You should be asking if you’ll be the right husband.’ That’s what I’ve learned from her,” Ron says.
Jim adds, “People asked how I could date a white guy. But I just thought it was the way it was.”
