Home / Columns / Art for Art's Sake / They Shoot Lawn Mowers, Don’t They?

They Shoot Lawn Mowers, Don’t They?

Aug. 6, 2008
Google plus Linkedin Pinterest

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, right now for me it’s late Tuesday after noon, Aug. 5. Brett Favre.

The powers-that-be at this newspaper demanded that I cut short my holiday hiatus up there nearby 30-miles north of Hayward (Town of Barnes for you’s nit pickers), situated in the state of near extreme northwestern Badgerland.

Brett Favre. I arrived in town moments ago sans TV-news helicopter coverage of my return to our fair city via Greyhound Bus (apparently cooler, and attached, heads, prevailed).

As a card-carrying aficionado and occasional yeoman with the liberal print media, I am journalistically implored to inform you that I am right here, right now, but moments away from the revered ink-stained deadline.

Brett Favre.

And so rather than the reasoned and researched essay I would otherwise provide you’s with vis-a-vis Favre-orama, I have only the time to flip your way some thing like one of these blogs you might find on that Wide World Interweb. I can’t promise this brief effort will contain as many misspelled words, piss-poor punctuation, factual-bullshit inaccuracies not to mention heebie-jeebie hysteria as you’re used to with the blog malarkey, but what the fock, ain’a? I’m short on time, so blow me. Brett Favre.

A Timeline

  • 33 A.D. (or so): Christ gets crucified on the cross.
  • July 25, 2008: An apparently gassed to-the-gills 57-year-old Keith Walendowski is charged with shooting his Lawn Boy lawn mower to mechanical death at 9:30 a.m. via a sawed-off shotgun on the lawn outside his ma’s house on the South Side of Milwaukee.
  • 1634: French-Canadian explorer Jean Nicolet establishes a piss–ant trading post around and about the grounds that would futurely become known as the hallowed grounds of the frozen tundra belonging to Titletown USA up there in Green Bay.
  • Sometime 1990s: Brett Favre becomes TV-ad mouthpiece for the Snapper lawn mower.
  • 33 A.D. (or so): Christ gets resurrected and agrees to retirement status as spokes-model for the Christian faith.
  • Sunday, Aug. 3, 2008: Brett Favre returns to Green Bay, Wis., ready to kick big-time ass belonging to all non-believers in the Green and Golden hierarchy. Idolaters rejoice.
  • Aug. 5, 2008 and beyond: Presidential candidate Art Kumbalek feels there are things in the universe that mankind was not meant to know, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.


The U.S. Supreme Court announced that it will hear the case to determine if Wisconsin Republicans’ redistricting maps are too partisan. Do you believe the U.S. Supreme Court will order Wisconsin to redraw our legislative maps so the majority of legislative districts are competitive and voters will actually have a real choice between a Democrat and Republican?

Getting poll results. Please wait...