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Stimulate This

Feb. 11, 2009
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art kumbalek
I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, I’ll be needing to beg your pardon this week on account of my time has lately been used all up with the minute-to-minute vocal launching of apoplectic F-bombs to be bursting in air that surrounds any and all of our congressional Republicans who suddenly got cold feet with the spending of a nickel, what the fock.

Out of the clear blue, these Red- State knob-shines have become “fiscally responsible” and cannot part with any kind of dime that might help the nonworking-man become a workingman, while for the last eight years they had abso-focking-lutely no problem with pissing away trillions of government money on a bullshit war, so that their fatfocking-cat campaign contributors could rake in a boatload of dough what with their no-bid government contracts for who-knows-what.

When it comes to this so-called economic stimulus, all of a sudden these focking Republicans are worried about where these billions of dollars are going to land—seems they got a suspicion that all the dough isn’t going to Dick Cheney’s Halliburton company; that a bunch of it might actually go to some poor people, and they don’t like that one bit, no sir. These economically challenged people-of-color and people-of-no-color tend not to vote for the privileged who can’t recall how many houses they own, so fock ’em.

Anyways, it being the Valentine’s week, I figured my best gift of love to you’s would be to keep my blather brief. Not to mention that as a handson kind of guy, I went a head and ordered my own stimulus package rather than wait to see what the government cooks up for me. And by the sound of the knock at my door, I think she may have arrived. Let the stimulating commence. What the fock, a guy’s got to pump his dollars, repeatedly, back into the economy anyway he can, ain’a?

(Full admission: I’ve taken performance-enhancing drugs. Without their help, an aging player such as myself wouldn’t even get to first base I kid you not, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.)


The U.S. Supreme Court announced that it will hear the case to determine if Wisconsin Republicans’ redistricting maps are too partisan. Do you believe the U.S. Supreme Court will order Wisconsin to redraw our legislative maps so the majority of legislative districts are competitive and voters will actually have a real choice between a Democrat and Republican?

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