New York's Human Doormat
Steven Gilmore Jr., 21, was arrested in Gainesville, Fla., after an attempted convenience store robbery in which he shot a clerk with a BB gun. Police said Gilmore confessed to the crime, explaining that he is an aspiring rap singer and felt the need to commit a violent crime to gain "street cred" as a thug.
Least Competent Criminals
Not Ready for Prime Time: (1) In April, police in Fayetteville, N.C., were seeking a pregnant woman who walked into a Carter Bank & Trust branch with a handgun and demanded cash. As a clerk was preparing money to give to the woman, she received a call on her cell phone, and the conversation became so intense that she ignored the money and walked out of the bank empty-handed, still talking. (2) Alfonso Rizzuto, 47, who was on the run from forgery charges in Scranton, Pa., was arrested in nearby Kingston when he wandered into a post office and an employee noticed that Rizzuto bore a great resemblance to the photo of him on the "Wanted" poster hanging on the wall.
The Weirdo-American Community
(1) Daniel Doster Jr., 42, was arrested in Yorktown, Ind., in March for masturbating while standing beside his mailbox. Doster told police he was doing it to "show his neighbors who was boss." (2) Dean Mark, 53, was arrested at WhittellHigh School in Zephyr Cove, Nev., in June, for trespassing. Three students reported encountering Mark a short distance from the school, nude, tied to a large rock. According to the police report, Mark declined the students' offer to untie him, but appeared on the school grounds, fully clothed, a few minutes later.
Even though life and health insurance companies penalize smokers with higher premiums or by refusing their business altogether, the companies themselves own tobacco company stock worth at least $4.4 billion, according to a recent New England Journal of Medicine report. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that more than 400,000 Americans die prematurely each year due to smoking-related causes (burdening life insurance companies, but perhaps preventing health insurers from having to pay out money over longer lifetimes).
Medical Marvel: Paul Gibbs, 26, hopes to soon have his left ear reattached after losing it in a gruesome attack, but for now the ear needs to be re-nourished to be strong enough to survive the surgery. Consequently, Gibbs has become the most recent person to have one organ surgically implanted elsewhere in the body while it absorbs nutrients. His lawyer reported in June at England's Leeds Crown Court (at a hearing for the three thugs convicted of beating Gibbs) that the ear was successfully sewn into Gibbs' abdomen.
© 2009 Chuck Shepherd