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Mad as Hell

Feb. 28, 2017
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Dear Ruthie,

My girlfriend just doesn’t turn me on anymore. She used to be hot, but after the birth of our baby six months ago, she gained weight and doesn’t seem to want to lose it. How can I tell her that I’d like her to wear makeup again, dress sexy again, do her hair hot again? How do I talk to a woman about such things?

Thanks,

Horny Bill

Dear Billy Boy,

Do you have mirrors in your house? If so, use ’em! Are you a male model? Do you have pecs for days and a six-pack? If not, then shut the hell up! If so, then may I ask how it felt when you pushed a tiny human out of your keester? What did that do to your body? Oh, you don’t know? Then shut the hell up!

Maybe your lady hasn’t gotten dolled up because she’s tired! She has a newborn in her life. You’re not sure how to talk to your girlfriend about such things? Don’t! Shut the hell up!

Dear Ruthie,

What’s the poop with all the political comments, memes and arguments taking place on social media? I can’t stand it anymore! I think Facebook should ban all such conversations. Don’t you think? Social media just ain’t no fun anymore. Agree or disagree? What can we do about this, dearie?

See You at the Family Reunion,
Aunt Sophie

Dear Imposter,

First off, I don’t have an Aunt Sophie, so stop trying to horn in on my column. Secondly, if you’re not happy with social media, log off, unplug and call it a day…psycho. 

UPCOMING EVENTS:

March 2: ‘Little Shop of Horrors’ Opening Night at Sunset Playhouse (800 Elm Grove Road): Don’t miss the play that has eaten up theater lovers for years! Visit the busiest flower shop on skid row during the run of this terrifically terrifying, toe-tapping musical (through March 19). See sunsetplayhouse.com for tickets and performances. 

March 3: Something To Do Night at Company Brewing (735 E. Center St.): Cream City’s favorites ska band is ready to party…and you’re invited! Check out the debut of a new video from the band Something To Do, along with performances by Cream City Cabaret burlesque troupe and Tigernite—Brew City’s top glam rockers. Shake and shimmy the night away with a $5 cover. The party starts at 10 p.m., and is open to everyone over the age of 21. 

March 4: Mad Hatter Tea Party at Charles Allis Art Museum (1801 N. Prospect Ave.): Love Alice in Wonderland? Long to be the Mad Hatter? Don’t miss this seventh annual nod to the Lewis Carroll classic. Enjoy assorted teas, sandwiches and treats from 3 to 5 p.m., as well as live music, a museum tour and more. Open to all ages, there’ll be prizes for best children’s and adult’s costumes. Speaking of which, adult tickets go for $30; children, $10. Email mkeiley@cavtmuseums.org with questions and queries about this whimsical family friendly day of tea-toddling fun.

March 4: Pride Night with the Milwaukee Bucks at BMO Harris Bradley Center (1001 N. Fourth St.): He shoots, he scores! The Milwaukee Bucks have teamed up with the Wisconsin LGBT Chamber of Commerce to create this night to celebrate B-ball and diversity in the city. Your $20 ticket gets you into the game, a rainbow Bucks T-shirt and admittance to a pregame reception. Get in on the fun at nba.com/bucks/tickets/pridenight.

March 6: Screening of ‘Gender Revolution: A Journey with Katie Couric’ at UW-Milwaukee (Bolton Hall, Room B52, 3210 N. Maryland Ave.): The Journalism, Advertising and Media Studies Department, the LGBT Resource Center and Women’s & Gender Studies host a screening of the National Geographic documentary that explores gender identity. A talkback with Dr. Eric Lohman (a participant in the documentary) occurs immediately after the film. Call 414-229-4436 with questions about the free, 5:15 p.m. viewing.

March 6: Shakespeare Raw: ‘Romeo & Juliet’ at Best Place at the Historic Pabst Brewery (901 W. Juneau Ave.): This boozy nod to the bard is back! After actors arrive at the 7:30 p.m. performance, they pick out of a hat to see which character they’ll play. They then have five minutes to have a drink and get ready for the first scene. More drinks and hilarity follow, making for the most-memorable night of Shakespeare you’ve seen. Tickets are $10 at the door; $5 if you’re dressed in red or blue, honoring the beer that helped put Brew Town on the map.

March 8: Opening of ‘35 Days of Don’t’ Art Exhibit at Groovy Dog Gallery (2401 N. Weil St.): Celebrate International Women’s Day with this photo exhibit inspired by strong women living life as they please. Enjoy poetry readings, have your portrait taken by Flow Johnson and browse an art sale during the 7 p.m. to midnight show. Call 414-587-6381 for additional details.

Want to share an event with Ruthie? Need her advice on a situation? Email DearRuthie@Shepex.com

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