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Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Mar. 7, 2017
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When people think of Milwaukee, they think of beer, cheese and the burning-hot passion with which its citizens make insatiable love to one another. Wait…is that Milwaukee or Sao Paulo? Regardless, we like to eat, drink and screw.

Unfortunately, there’s no shortage of heartache in Cream City. Let me roll up my sleeves, slap on a diaper and play cupid for these lovelorn cheese heads. Giddy up! 

Dear Ruthie,

I fell in love for the first time in years. Well, he broke my heart. Tell me, Ruthie, how do you mend a broken heart? 

Help,

Lonely Girl

Dear Girlfriend,

The answer can be found in booze, cigarettes and random men. Get yourself a hotel room and go nuts. No? Take the Sandra Dee approach and pry open a carton of ice cream, slide into your pajamas and search for kitten videos on YouTube. Still no good? How about something in-between?           

Get your mind off the heartbreak by focusing on yourself. Do what you like…go the movies, read, spend time with friends, do a puzzle. Hell! Start a new hobby if that gets your mind off things.

Get firm with yourself, too. Here’s your new mantra. Say, “Okay, honey! The pity party is over. Time to move on!” Then do so. Good luck sweet cheeks.

Dear Ruthie,
I started dating a friend. Things started out OK, but I have to end it. She’s a big girl, like over 350 pounds. She’s bigger than me, and I’m a guy! 

I thought maybe I could get past it because she is pretty cool, but I can’t. She’s just too fat. Do I tell her that when I break up with her? Maybe she’ll lose the weight if she hears why I’m ending it. What do you think?

—No Fat Chicks 

Dear Dude,

Newsflash: She knows she’s fat. She doesn’t need you to tell her. She also doesn’t need your pity. Stop leading this girl on, and let her know that it’s not working out. If she insists on knowing more, explain that there is no sexual chemistry. Do not, however, think you’re doing her any favors by discussing her weight. Let her find a man who loves her for who she is…inside and out. That man clearly isn’t you.

Dear Ruthie,

I’ve been single for 14 years. That’s ridiculous. How do I meet a good Gay man in this city?

Love you,
Ricky

Dear Ricky,

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…volunteer! Find an LGBT organization, service or business that is looking for help. Volunteering is a wonderful way to meet people because you already have something in common. If that doesn’t work, invest in a pair of assless chaps. Good luck.

UPCOMING EVENTS: 

March 11: ‘Once Upon a Queer’ at Next Act Theatre (255 S. Water St.): The MilTown Kings are at it again with this gender-bending drag show that’s sure to bring Prince Charming galloping into your life. The 9 p.m. show involves a $10 door charge and is open to everyone over 18.

March 12: “Men in Kilts” Party at Kruz (354 E. National Ave.): Those naughty boys and girls from the Leather/Levi social group Castaways MC are throwing another bash! Kilt or be kilt with the monthly beer bust and charity drive. (This month, donations go to those entering the International Mr. Leather competition in May.) Raffles, grilled food and drink shots round out the woof-filled fun that runs 3 to 7 p.m.

March 14: Black Lives Matter? A Multimedia Conversation at UW-Milwaukee Union Fireside Lounge (2200 E. Kenwood Blvd.): Explore the concepts, struggles and successes of African American feminism, Queer identity and other social issues. Email sociocul@uwm.edu to learn about the 6 to 8 p.m. evening of sisterhood, unity and support.

March 14: Testing Tuesday at Riverwest Public House Cooperative (815 E. Locust St.): Take control of your health, body and sexual well-being with rapid HIV testing, VD screenings and more. Stop by any time from 8 to 10 p.m. and you’ll find these free services, safe sex kits, support group information and more. Have a question or a concern? Call 414-897-5645.

March 15: Spring Fling HamBingo at Hamburger Mary’s (730 S. Fifth St.): Join me as we raise money for Ruthie’s Kennel Club. Enter the Spring Bonnet Contest and you might walk away with a basket of booze! Ten games of bingo, shopping, burgers and big-boned broads (me)…who could ask for anything more? Call 414-488-2555 and hold your table for the 8 p.m. event.

March 15: Out-N-About Night at The Rep (108 E. Wells St.): Tennessee Williams’ The Glass Menagerie gets a lovely welcoming with this night of food and fun. Enjoy a reception of savory snacks and delightful drinks at 6:30 p.m. before taking in the play an hour later. See milwaukeerep.com for the lively LGBT gathering. Use the promo code “Pride” to secure your $25 ticket.

Want to share an event with Ruthie? Need her advice on a situation? Email DearRuthie@Shepex.com.

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