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Why I Oughta!

Jun. 13, 2017
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Dear Ruthie,

Here’s one for you. I found out that my partner of six years has been messaging a porn star. I knew he had a crush on this actor for a long time, but I was surprised to discover that the two have been sexting behind my back. I was mad and hurt when I found the messages on my partner’s phone. I know the porn star lives across the country, but this feels like cheating. I’m not sure what to do next. I’m getting angrier and sadder by the day. What do you think?

—Hurt and Lonely


Dear H&L,

Why I oughta…slap that phone outta your hand! Nothing good comes from letting your fingers do the walking through your honey’s phone. Ever. Now that you’ve let the genie out of the bottle, you must face the music, darlin’! (And by “music” I mean that weird techno bom-chica-baw-wow music you hear in porn films.)

Start by telling your porn-loving horn dog that you looked through his phone, apologize and explain why you felt the need to do so. You’re going to have to pay the piper on this one, sugar.

Next, let your guy know how this messaging is making you feel. If you’re truly hurt and lonely, then that needs to be addressed. The porn star needs to hit the road. Give him my email, and tell him to Twitter his taint in my direction instead.



June 14: Opening Night of Titus Andronicus at Off the Wall Theatre (127 E. Wells St.): The seldom-performed yet highly anticipated drama shocks the city during a 10-night run at this edgy black box theater. Madness reins during William Shakespeare’s shocking tale of family, war, love and insanity under the skillful direction of Dale Gutzman. Not for the weak of heart, the controversial play runs through June 25. See zivacat.com/offthewalltheatre for curtain times, performance dates and tickets.

June 15, 16 and 17: Filth Fest V (various locations): Milwaukee’s queer and trans punk fest is back with live music, workshops, art shows and discussion groups throughout the city. The three-day celebration puts LGBTQ issues front and center with a portion of the proceeds going to Trans Assistance Project (TAP). See Filth Fest Milwaukee on Facebook or tweet @filthfestmke for a schedule of events.

June 16: Holistic Care of LGBTQ+ Veterans at UW-Milwaukee Student Union (2200 E. Kenwood Blvd.): Part of Milwaukee’s VA Mental Health Care Summit, this 8 a.m.-4 p.m. workshop highlights suicide prevention, addiction issues, diverse care networks and other issues facing today’s LGBTQ+ veterans. See mkevamentalhealthsummitlgbtqvets.eventbrite.com for additional information and registration to the free event.

June 16: Opening Night of ‘Butterfly Confessions’ at UW-Milwaukee Recital Hall, Music Building 175 (2400 E. Kenwood Blvd.): This new stage play tackles issues of love, adversity and HIV/AIDS concerning African American women. Produced by MPower Theater, created by Yetta Young and directed by Catina Cole, the heartwarming production begins at 7 p.m., runs through June 17 and includes an $18 door charge.

June 17: Inaugural Curd Fest at Drink Wisconsinbly Pub (135 E. National Ave.): PrideFest is done, Summerfest isn’t here yet, and Irish Fest is way off. Celebrate with Curd Fest! It’s cheese-curd a go-go during this 10 a.m.-8 p.m. street party. See raceroster.com for more on the 5K Curd Run, the cheese curd eating competition, cheese curd tastings and more.

June 17: Mary’s Market Day at Hamburger Mary’s (730 S. Fifth St.): Shop till you drop and eat till you plop at this kitschy burger joint! Explore the outdoor spaces of Hamburger Mary’s where vendors sell everything from soaps and jewelry to clothing and art. Enjoy their Market Day on the third Saturday of each month through October; a percentage of the sales benefit a local charity. Check out the fun 11 a.m.-3 p.m.

June 17: Honey LaBronx at Five Nightclub (5 Applegate Court, Madison): Hello, Honey! It’s so nice to have you back where you belong! Wisconsin’s very own vegan drag queen returns home with this 6:30 p.m. comedy show. A suggested $20 donation gets you into the evening with the comedy queen who knows her way around a meatless kitchen. Proceeds benefit Heartland Farm Sanctuary and Wisconsin WildCare.

June 21: Summer Solstice Night at Uncle Ned’s Consignment Liquidation and Estate Sales (1412 S. 73rd St.): More than 35 antiques, crafts and collectibles vendors invade this South Side resale shop for a night of deals and steals. You’ll also find food, beverages, tarot card reading, yoga and more during the 5-9 p.m. shop-a-thon. After all, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure!

Want to share an event with Ruthie? Need her advice on a situation? Email dearruthie@shepex.com.


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