President Cohn-head

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Art Kumbalek

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, the HELL was that?!? Last Tuesday night in Cleveland, the only thing the two master debaters forgot to toss in—besides intelligent and articulate discussion of the issues—was a snap “I know you are but what am I.” And of course, given the tenor of the candidate’s to-and-fro, I would’ve enjoyed a sucker punch, administration of a pink belly and/or de-pantsing. I know that if I were Chris Wallace, after the “debate” I would’ve collared the Orange Circus Peanut and had him write “I will not talk out of my ass” 500 times on the blackboard to be followed by a good hour of cleaning erasers, what the fock.

As for Joe Biden, I thought he came off very presidential when he used “man,” as in “Will you shut up, man?” rather than the more truthfully accurate “focking asshole,” as in “Will you shut up, focking asshole?”

As for Trumpel-thinskin, I hope for the next debate, they can find a moderator who can get the focking asshole to shut up when he’s supposed to shut the fock up. I also found it curious when Humpty-Dumbty said, “Don’t ever use the word smart with me.” Hey, no problem. I know I’ve never put “smart” and “Donald J(ackass) Trump” into the same sentence—wouldn’t dream of it—and I don’t think anyone else has ever, either.

OK, although President Covfefe is not smart by any animal, vegetable or mineral’s standard—cripes, the only thing the fockstick can, or cares to, read is a McDonald’s menu—that doesn’t mean he’s incapable of learning, like from his mentor Roy Cohn back in the early ’70s.

Yeah, that Roy Cohn: “Senator Joseph R. McCarthy’s top aide during the investigations into communist activity in the 1950s, a lawyer for mob bosses, and ‘Never admit guilt, and when caught in a lie, just tell another lie, and to keep changing your story but never admit that you changed your story.’”

“Never admit guilt, and when caught in a lie, just tell another lie, and to keep changing your story…” Sound like a current president you know?

Another thing Trump learned from Cohn (this from Politico a while back): “Deflect and distract, never give in, never admit fault, lie and attack, lie and attack, publicity no matter what, win no matter what, all underpinned by a deep, prove-me-wrong belief in the power of chaos and fear.”

And there’s this, from the East Bay Express, Oct. 2019, that I noticed from a review of the documentary, Where's My Roy Cohn?:

“For instance, Cohn had a hand in guiding the career of real estate developer Donald Trump, whose methods eventually began to resemble those of his counselor: always attack; never admit guilt or apologize; wield a combination favors and fear to achieve victory; manipulate the media; lie incessantly, to the point of permanently obscuring the truth; and perhaps most deplorably, to stir up public antagonism by blaming defenseless people for the crimes that he and his fellow plutocrats actually committed.”

And what the fock, as long as I’m quoting other sources here this week, there’s this for you’s who enjoy, appreciate and know that a free press is a top item on a democracy’s shopping list; from Jonathan Chait of New York Magazine, Sept. 22, in case you missed it:

Trump Says Reporters Covering Protests Deserve to Be Attacked

At his rally Tuesday night, President Trump delivered an extended riff on the glories of police attacking journalists. First, he repeated a mangled version of a story that he told this weekend, about Ali Velshi being struck by a tear-gas canister while covering a rally, which he called “a beautiful sight.” (Velshi was actually hit by a rubber bullet.) The second version of the story including more details, in which Trump and his audience could delight in Velshi’s pain:

“That idiot reporter from CNN [Velshi works for MSNBC] got hit on the CNN with a canister of tear gas, right? And he went down. ‘I’ve been hit, I’ve been hit.’ He’d been hit… but he went down and he didn’t like it, he was hit.”

He then proceeded to regale his audience with a story of security forces removing a reporter from covering a protest:

“They grabbed ’em. They were grabbing ’em left and right. Sometimes they grabbed, they grabbed one guy, ‘I’m a reporter! I’m a reporter!’—‘Get out of here!’ They threw him aside like a bag of popcorn. But honestly, when you watch the crap we’ve all had to take so long… when you see it, it’s actually a beautiful sight.”

Now, I’m no “reporter” with the exception that I do report on how I’m thinking and feeling and that you’s ought to focking think and feel that way, too. But in the spirit of Spartacus, I will stand up and say “I AM A REPORTER. BRING IT ON, PRESIDENT JAGWAGON.”

And finally, as Nicholas Kristof reminded me the other day in The New York Times, George Orwell wrote this in 1945: “Every joke is a tiny revolution.” So, for the volunteers of America who look and know why what’s happening out in the streets, from inews.co.uk:

After endless negotiations with North and South Korea, Trump remarked that East and West Korea must be much more peaceful as he never hears from them. Ba-ding!

After visiting Canada for a meeting of the G7, Donald Trump remarked that it was “a really great overseas trip.” Ba-ding!

After the Roosevelt Room and the Lincoln Bedroom, Donald Trump says his favourite room in the White House is the Oval Office. He thinks that President Oval was a “really really great President.” Ba-ding!

VOTE, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

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