There have always been rugged gays. Not the opera devotee in leather, but the real down-to-earth, jeans-and-T-shirt gay guy next door with a real dog (not a yappy one), a beat-up pickup truck and tools. Sometimes they’re disguised as architectural antiques dealers. They’re the very antithesis of those stereotypical gays whose wares are inevitably gilded. In actuality, the wrought-iron gates and sheets of tin ceilings that clutter their yards are the leftovers from all that hands-on renovating they did. Others are farmers. I dated one for a while. He wasn’t a new age, urban herb farmer either. He was a traditional Wisconsin farmer who raised pigs and cows. He never gave me a Precious Moments card but, on occasion, he’d arrive with his car trunk full of freshly slaughtered meat. The parts were all neatly wrapped in butcher’s paper, each scrawled in crayon “chops” or “bacon” or “roast.”
Speaking of rugged, today, the fashion chatter is all about beards. And no, not the “beard” of closeted gay men, but the facial hair kind. In certain circles, like burly bears, dapper daddies and assorted alternative types, gay men have long worn beards. Now, straight men have taken to growing their own. It’s just like the days of gay emulating metrosexuals. Those were straight men cleaning up their collective acts with excessive personal grooming, fashionable attire in pastels and an appreciation of fine wines. It seemed to be a straight guy’s attempt to compete with his girlfriend’s or wife’s coterie of gay BFFs. Obviously, the gays were more fun, more sophisticated and better dancers. The problem arose when, aside from the dancing, metrosexual straights became more and more indistinguishable from gays. Then came the whole bromance thing. With the womenfolk off partying with their gays, straight men found themselves seeking solace with their best metrosexual friends. I’m sure the craft beer movement is directly related. After all, beer is a man’s man beverage. Besides, it’s so much cheaper than good red wine. So there they were, drinking beer with plush sweaters tied around their necks, talking about flavor “notes” and food pairings.
But then a new trend evolved. Its followers, dubbed lumber-sexuals, appropriated another gay cultural icon: the beard of bears and daddies, et al. But then, they took beard culture to another level. They added beads and dyed their facial fluff in colors from amethyst to vermillion. The beard is a masculine emblem, of course, but it’s also another avenue for bromantic male bonding. It’s a way for straight men to compliment each other without that awkward moment of wondering what’s behind it. Locker room banter now has a legitimate subject. Before beards, it really wasn’t possible for a straight man to acknowledge another man’s virtues. Now it’s easy. “Wow,” one might gush, “that looks like a good nine months growth!” To which the blushing object of attention might respond, “Naw, just seven and a half. Well...maybe eight.”
