Milwaukee’s Magical Spots

The City has Hundreds of Funky Destinations for a Night (or a Week) on the Town

by

Milwaukee City Guide

It started as one more casual conversation between friends over drinks, but it led to a social reckoning. As a group of us poured back pricey cocktails, someone asked, “how many times have we gathered around a high-top table for three hours drinking Campari-somethings and intermittently picking at plates of bruschetta?”

Eventually someone burped out: “how much better would this conversation be, with the same drinks, the same food, and the same people … in a pet cemetery!?”

Apparently, there was a pet cemetery on Milwaukee’s North Side where people went to commune with the spirits of animals, fueled by the spirits from pocket flasks. Couples would go there on dates and sink into whatever strange magic they could summon.

We wondered, then, why do most of us choose string lights and stemware over seances with labradors? It was kind of a rhetorical question because pet cemeteries are a tall order. But, still, we wondered why we ended up in the same place over and over again?

In the cold light of day some weeks later I did a personal post-mortem about that exchange. I was proud of my work colleagues for recognizing their rut and thought I’d spend some time taxonomizing a better model on their behalf. I thought about where the mind met the body and where ambition met a good story. I decided to aim for a place somewhere between teenagers sneaking into abandoned warehouses and adults hardened by a world of hackneyed public relations messaging.

The obvious difficulty with such an exercise is that truly unique spots are often unpublic, and secret spots prefer to be kept secret. Or secret in a certain way; only for a certain exclusive set of ears and eyes. So please proceed through the following bag of suggestions with intrepid discretion. 

If one aims high in New York or Paris, in Milwaukee one should aim low: Bars, brats, beer, bowling alleys, backyards and basements rather than velvet ropes.

More than once, I’ve redirected Milwaukee visitors from Old World Third to the intersection of East Russell and South Wentworth to explore the odd mix of culture, sights, people, and experiences in that eclectic pocket of Bayview. Throat metal at Club Garibaldi, alternative everything at Cactus Club, chicken thighs at Palomino, and frozen drinks from heaven at At Random. And Goodkind nearby to polish it off with some later-evening culinary refinement. And if senses are still wanting, Burnhearts down the way on Logan is a perfect goodnight kiss from the city.

As far as I know, it's an itinerary that has never disappointed.

World Class Barkeeps

Alternatively, Bryant’s on Lapham makes for one of the most perfect big-night ramp-up experiences one could want. The dark, velvety mood, the world class barkeeps, the balance of the drinks: always perfect. And it’s also perfectly strange that all this perfection happens where it does: in a non-descript house on Lapham and Ninth Street on the South Side. It makes the drinks and ambience all the sweeter. Another incognito gem that never fails is Foundation. It astounds any uninitiated visitor passing beyond its unassuming exterior at 2718 N. Bremen Street in Riverwest. A trip from the sidewalk into the bar might as well be a 14-hour plane ride to a tiki bar in the South Pacific. Order a couple of planter’s punches and launch your night. Have a “oner” before dinner or have two and change your dinner plans. Have three and you might end up with a new tattoo. Not too far away, you can grab a cold bottle of Miller High Life and roll some frames at Falcon Bowl on East Clarke Street, one of the oldest bowling alleys in the country. If you’re lucky you can slide off your bar stool and see a band in the Falcon Hall just off the bar.

These establishments are, well, established, and might not be all that secret to veterans of the Milwaukee social scene, so let’s cut progressively deeper.

An often overlooked and somewhat obscure social opportunity is the art gallery opening reception. It’s a best kept offering within the world of artists that exhibitions almost always begin with a refreshment-filled two-hour opening event. It’s a stimulating and economical way to rev up your synapses before a great dinner or theater experience. Milwaukee is stuffed with art galleries of all sorts, from very public spaces in the Third Ward like Portrait Society and Tory Folliard, to grittier below-the-radar haunts like Underscore, Usable Space, and Grove Gallery. Instagram handles happen to be the best way to stay informed about gallery goings-on as the art world tends to fly below conventional listings.

High Fidelity

Art nerds know that reaching out to individual artists for studio visits can lead to unexpected connections, social energies, and, probably, beers, but if you happen to be a music nerd, do yourself a favor and go to ACME records on Kinnickinnic and peel through records until your fingers hurt. It’ll start as shopping and inevitably transition into a conversation with Ken Chrisien, the sagacious proprietor, about music, records, and the quirks of people who love them. Ken’s been selling vinyl for 20 years for the love of the game … and you’ll sense it. He’ll tell you why your mom’s Decca records are worth less than you think as he rhapsodizes with delight of finding mint copies of The Misfits’ Legacy of Brutality. With a few albums under your arm, head down KK to 2988 and punctuate the sonic orgy with a visit to the Wiggle Room, a listening lounge stocked with compendious vinyl and potable refreshments. You’ll leave satisfied and musically enriched.

We’re all familiar with legendary venues like Turner Hall Ballroom, the Pabst and Miller High Life Theaters, and the Rave. Milwaukee also sports a lively constellation of funkier venues like Mad Planet or Kochanski’s Concertina Beer Hall for a little Old World polka flavor. A little further south, X-Ray Arcade is a badass indie punk establishment on Packard Avenue in Cudahy whose existence reaffirms that there are still warriors for alternative sonic culture living among us— with arcade games and art exhibitions to boot. You can even host your wedding reception there if you’re tough enough to face your mother-in-law afterwards. For some truly off-grid DIY stuff, Milwaukee is home to many underground-ier music spaces, literally in basements, such as Down on Downer and Discastle. Be careful, you might have to knock and you might very well be the oldest person who’s ever been there.

If you’d like to begin an experiential journey with some black-diamond-level shopping, stop by the gift shop at 5 Points Art Gallery + Studios on Port Washington and then head down to 2445 N. Holton to the inimitable Fischberger’s Variety, where you will find the most nerd-perfect toy-centric gift for the host of the dinner party to which you’ve reluctantly committed, and who’s only expecting a 20-dollar bottle of prosecco. Woodland Pattern, a non-profit, bookstore and event space offers unique artwork and books in a cocoon of local collaborative warmth that will make you want to stop what you’re doing and pen some poems.

After dragnetting Antiques on Pierce for all the Robin Yount fast food edition glassware sets from 1982 and 1970’s World Book encyclopedias, head to Hell-and-Back, a vintage store located on Second Street beneath Var Gallery for anything from a vintage Motley Crüe concert t-shirt to a 1970’s cowboy belt buckle that may have been worn by Jerry Reed. If you have gas in the tank and a love of inexplicable oddities, take a drive down to Cudahy, go to Dretzka’s, and try to figure out what that whole thing even means, while concluding that you really need an unworn factory uniform for a job that disappeared 30 years ago.

Drink and Draw

Ambitious hands-on types might heighten their levels of existential engagement with more participatory and relational activities. These are the events that will leave you feeling you’ve merged action and passion into a single piece. Come home with paper cuts instead of ketchup fingers. A great opportunity is Var Gallery’s regular drink-and-draw event on Monday, Wednesdays, and Saturdays, where you can sketch from a live model while having a cocktail. Bring paper, charcoal, and a total lack of inhibition. Don’t worry if you’re not an expert, no one’s judging, and life drawing is like speaking a foreign language, one gets better with consumption.

Out in West Allis, the delightfully quirky lair of Madam Chino hosts a last-Friday-of-the-month Community Patchwork Sewing Circle. Have some tea, learn how to sew, and sink into the plush awesomeness of the whole fibrous thing. Just being in Chino’s coven of textile goods and sewing-centric vibrations will make you want to have a nightcap with just as much color and creativity. Inspiration is infectious … and cross disciplinary.

Milwaukee is exceptionally rich in artist and maker workshops for discriminating tastes. It’s where our DIY-heavy community thrives, and it offers great opportunities to connect with other creatives and alternative methods. Also, productivity often ramps up into a decadent second half of an evening. Like how a good run makes a bowl of pasta feel less naughty. AP3 at House of Rad offers regular printmaking workshops, the Bindery in Bayview will take you on any number of hands-on voyages with bookmaking that will transform you into a connoisseur of bone folders, and Tooth-and-Nail Studios in the Lincoln Warehouse will have you looking to acquire a pottery wheel and kiln. And there are far worse addictions than cone 6 pottery.

Those mentioned so far are all established spaces meant for your regard and participation. Shaping experience sometimes demands an even more informal playbook–sites and activities waiting for you to activate them. 

Sculpture Milwaukee

A good beginner-map for such an adventure might be Sculpture Milwaukee, which features an actual map of hidden artistic 3D treasures situated within our Downtown urban terrain. From this basic set of possibilities one can build their own private hike. While speaking to Sculpture’s Executive Director John Riepenhoff, he suggested a morning coffee inside Sarah Braman’s Stay, a converted drainage pipe with stained glass windows, while watching the sun rise over the art museum. Which I did, and it was glorious. The Flat Files at Real Tinsel, of which I am a partner, offers the chance to listen to a record, have a drink, and privately search through hundreds of portfolios featuring original work by local artists at your private leisure.

Taking off the training wheels, one can ride the Milwaukee experiential tableaux even harder. Try freestyling a little. Have a multi-couple custard taste-off by driving from famous custard stand to famous custard stand evaluating each as if you were doing the Pepsi Challenge. I hosted a potluck some years ago in which each dish was made from items purchased from the guests’ nearest Kwik Trip. It wasn’t the tastiest dinner party, but it might have been the most fun. We did have to grab pizza at Classic Slice afterwards to wash down a corn nut and rollerdog casserole. For cosmic vibrations, try microdosing and heading to the Manfred Olson Planetarium at UWM. It’s not a bad way to spend a random afternoon, and you just might connect with a higher power. For more terrestrial mycelic entertainment, you could drive north of Milwaukee to the Cedarburg Bog State Natural Area just west of Saukville with a mushroom and plant identification app on your phone. Bogs, moraines, and dells are just a few of the unique landscape features in our region offering flora, fauna, and vistas not found anywhere else. On the way back from bogging, stop by Brandywine in Cedarburg for the best appetizer you’ll ever have while looking down a street pulled straight out of a Currier and Ives print.

If it’s still light out, you might detour to Schlitz Audubon and say hi to Skywalker the falcon or go climb the tower to grab a perfect view of Lake Michigan. Another fine option for adults and children alike is an art scavenger hunt at Lynden Sculpture Garden just to the west of Schlitz Audubon on Brown Deer Road. On the way back to Milwaukee, take a quick detour to the legendary Mary Nohl House in Fox Point. But be quiet and stealthy, the neighbors are sleeping…and vigilant. Sometimes before heading out, I stop by the Milwaukee County Historical Society and check out a folio of images of one of our streets from the early 20th century. You can name a street, and a librarian will hand you a glassine folio filled with vintage photographs … and then go have dinner on that street. Your night will feel 100 years long and that many years young. And maybe finish the same evening with a sip of something weird right under the lights of the Hoan Bridge and put the city to sleep for the rest of us.

You didn’t hear it from me but in 2019 the Wisconsin legislature passed a bill that allows for minors to operate a lemonade stand as long as the revenue is under $2,000. So if you have kids, set one up on a corner and use it as a way to engage passersby in conversation. You will not be disappointed. Then take the money you collect, hire a babysitter, and aim your Uber to Walker’s Point to do some dancing at La Cage or Mad Planet for some sweaty dancing. If you have electrolytes left, dance some more at Riverwest’s Mad Planet.

And that pet cemetery is still there, by the way. Unmarked. I’m not saying where, or to go searching for it. But I’ve had worse nights than trudging through wet fields and backyards with good friends waiting to get bewitched by guinea pig spirits. Then again, there’s plenty of other magic around Milwaukee to ignite your imagination, so maybe let the souls of the animals rest and go paint an experiential picture worth its own urban legend that we’ll be telling each other over small plates in 20 years.