Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters R
Fifteen years after nearly being roasted and eaten by the witch who lured them into her gingerbread house, siblings Hansel and Gretel (Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton) have grown into attractive young adults fond of monstrous weapons and killing evil witches. Famke Janssen plays the witch they escaped as children, and she's grown more powerful than ever and is stalking the pair. Re-imagined fairytales are horror's hot new trend, but the films are a mixed bag of hits and misses. Declining to screen Hansel and Gretel for the press is a bad omen, but on the plus side—the film's casting is rad! (Lisa Miller)
Parker R
Jason Statham appears as Parker, one of those moral thieves sporting the elegant credo, "Don't steal from people who can't afford it and don't hurt people who don't deserve it." Led by the film's other shaved head (Michael Chiklis), Parker's crew steals his stash and leaves him for dead. Of course Parker isn't dead—and his crew is now precisely the sort he steals from and hurts! Fast-forward to Palm Beach, Fla., where Parker recruits a crooked, beautiful real estate agent (Jennifer Lopez), and disguises himself as a rich Texan in order to do unto his crew what they did to him. So maybe the film doesn't have an original bone in its body, but it must have something going for it if Lopez took time off from singing, hawking her perfume and making nice as a contestant judge—to pursue her fourth best talent. (L.M.)
