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Thanks for stopping by my little digital home at Shepherd Express. If you’re new here, check out my advice column below followed by the week’s social calendar of happenings in and around Milwaukee. If you’re a regular reader, thanks and welcome back!
Dear Ruthie,
I’m a lesbian who dated women her whole adult life. Now, I like a nonbinary person. Does this make me “not gay?” I’m nervous about labels and mislabels if you couldn’t tell. I know shouldn’t worry about what other people think, but I do.
Thoughts?
Just Julie
Dear Jules,
Try to remember that labels aren’t tattoos. They’re more like stickers. Peel ‘em off, swap ‘em or move ‘em around if you want. How you identify is your call and your business. Don’t worry yourself with what box others might want to put you in.
Your past romances don’t vanish because your heart belongs to someone new, and you need to be comfortable in your own skin with all of your relationships. If you continue to struggle, simply talk to your new crush about identities and expectations. A great conversation will likely make you feel better and even closer to your new love.
Dear Ruthie,
I’m asexual and my partner wants more sex. I love them but how can I negotiate intimacy without faking it.
(Signed)
Asexual Andy
Dear Andy,
Gently remind your lover that asexuality is not a choice. It’s an orientation and it’s real. Offer other intimacy such as massage, cuddles, sensual touch or date nights.
I’m thrilled that you mentioned “negotiate” as that tells me you’re possibly interested in compromise. Negotiate the possibility of limited, scheduled sex such as mutual masturbation or toys. If ethical non-monogamy (with rules) is something you would consider, discuss that as well. If the two of you can’t compromise on intimacy, consider seeing a couple’s counselor.
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
April 16—Milwaukee Dems Meeting at Whitefish Bay Public Library (5420 N. Marlborough Drive): If you’re wondering, “What the heck can I do to help turn the country around?” here’s a great chance to take that first step. Join this membership meeting and learn how you can make a difference.
April 17—Miss Exquisite Pageant at LaCage (801 S. Second St.): Take in this 8 p.m. pageant for all the glitz and glamor your little heart can handle. Featuring a bevy of guest stars, celebrity judges and, of course, all those fantastic contestants, it’s one evening you’ll be talking about for weeks afterward.
April 18—Absolut Drag Bingo at Pop (124 W. National Ave.): Drag queen bingo at Pop has become so popular, they’ve extended the party to Saturday, too! Take in 10 free, bawdy games of fun where you’ll find, prizes, pizza, laughs and more. Best of all, the hosting charity is Our Voice Milwaukee. See www.popwalkerspoint.com for reservations.
April 18—Latin Night at Walker’s Pint (818 S. Second St.): Addictive Latin beats fill the air during this 9:30 p.m. bash sure to become the highlight of your weekend. See why this women’s bar remains a hot spot in Walker’s Point when you take in the fun every first and third Saturday of the month.
April 19—A Rockin’ Midsummer Night’s Dream Pre-Show Adoptable Dogs at Skylight Music Theatre (158 N. Broadway): What the what? I can support local animals and take in a matinee of this helluva show? Wowwy, wow-wow! The gang at Skylight invited the team at MADACC to bring a few adoptable dogs prior to the 2 p.m. musical. Meet the pups and get plenty of wet, sloppy kisses but nab tickets first via www.skylightmusictheatre.org/midsummer.
April 19—Spring Fling with KV and Just Gino at Fluid (819 S. Second St.): Mix up your Sunday Funday with this 3 p.m. cabaret that’ll tickle your funny bone. See why the incredible vocals of Karen Valentine are the talk of the town when she joins piano man Gino for this all-live show. Get there early to nab a good seat and meet Fluid’s friendly bar staff.
April 20—Parents of Trans Children Support Group at MKE LGBT Community Center (161 S. First St.): This welcoming group meets once per month to share experiences and resources while fostering a community with one another. Feel less alone in your journey at the 5:30 p.m. get-together.
Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at DearRuthie@ShepEx.com.
