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Sometimes there’s a fine line between being supportive and being intrusive or demanding. Let’s read a few emails from folks on both sides of the coin. You’ll also find some change-of-pace events to kickoff October in my social calendar!
Dear Ruthie,
A friend came out as gay, but then they said they were bi. Then they were queer. Now, they say they’re not sure how they identify. It’s getting hard to keep up! Do I keep up with all these changes or just smile politely and wait for the next software update?
Help!
Confused in Cudahy
Dear Confused,
Honey, your friend is not an iPhone. They don't owe you an update every six months. Sexuality and gender can be complicated, and some people need time to figure out what fits best for them. Not what fits best for their friends and family—for them.
The best thing you can do is listen, understand (or at least try to), and offer your support. Use the terms they currently prefer and don't make them feel like they're taking the SATs of sexual identity. If they change their mind again, just change your vocabulary along with them. It’s that easy! It's called being a good friend, not an IT specialist.
Dear Ruthie,
Every time I come back to Wisconsin to visit my family, they ask if I'm seeing anyone special. I'm tired of explaining that being single isn't an issue for me and that dating someone isn’t the key to happiness they all seem to think it is. Honestly, it feels a little intrusive at times, and the questions can get pretty personal. What can I say to combat this upfront?
(Signed)
Single and Thriving
Dear Single,
Simply tell Aunt Carol, "I’m not seeing anyone but thank you for your concern. It’s all good. I’m very happy.” Then go get another slice of dessert.
Seriously, honey, you don't need a romantic partner to prove you're living a fulfilling life. If you want to date, date. If you don't, don't. And if your relatives keep interrogating you, remember that "I'm happy with my life" is a complete sentence. If they still won't drop it, simply ask them to stop with the dating questions. If you’re that frank, they’ll likely back off for a while.
Regardless, keep in mind that they love you, accept you and want to make sure you’re happy. Don’t take that for granted. It’s a wonderful thing that a lot of folks in the LGBTQ+ community don’t receive.
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
October 1—Opening Night for “Hocus Pocus: A Very Unauthorized Drag Musical Parody’ at Live at LaCage (801 S. Second St.): The Sanderson sisters fly into Cream City with this all-new production brought to you by the folks behind the annual “Golden Girls Drag Parody.” Swing over to www.events.ticketleap.com for tickets before the witches move on October 4.
October 3—Labyrinth: 4th Anniversary in Concert at Pabst Theater (144 E. Wells St.): Experience the magic, fantasy and pure delight of this cult-film favorite where live music plays the soundtrack during the viewing. Revel in a bit of nostalgia alongside other Labyrinth fans when you purchase tickets at www.axs.com.
October 3 & 4—Dragon Days Fall Fantasy Festival at Various Lake Geneva Locations: Take your love of ren faires to the next level at the birthplace of Dungeons & Dragons. Multiple stages, various locations, tours, live music and more make this two-day fest one for the books. See www.dragondays.org for a complete list of events.
October 4—Packer-Watching Party at Pop (124 W. National Ave.): Check out Pop’s new pre-game fun at 11 a.m., featuring games, a tailgate menu and more. Secure a seat and settle in to cheer on the Pack once the game kicks off at noon.
October 6—Queer Quiet Night at LGBT Community Center (161 S. First St.): Soft lighting, calm conversation and a no-pressure vibe make this friendly meet-up a relaxing spot. Perfect for introverts, book lovers and other chill people, the 5:30-7 p.m. evening is open to all likeminded individuals.
Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at DearRuthie@ShepEx.com.
