Thinkstock
Deep breaths…deep breaths… The holidays are over. The mistletoe hanging from my headboard has dried up, the elf on my shelf has seen better days and my eggnog hangover is gone—almost. It’s time to pack away the dancing Santa statue, Dolly Parton tree topper and gingerbread nativity scene. (Ants got to the three wise men years ago, but I replaced them with two WWF action figures and a troll doll.)
I must admit, 2014 wasn’t the Christmas I had in mind. Every year I plan on nailing the holidays: Finishing shopping by Thanksgiving, decorating trees in every room, hosting parties, baking cookies and generally becoming Miss Happy Holidays of Milwaukee. This never happens. Did I say “never”? Never.
Despite my good intentions I end up buying gifts at Speedway, wrapping them at midnight on Christmas Eve, and frosting Oreo cookies in an attempt to claim they’re homemade. Oh, well. Next year will be different. I’ll do everything I dream of and more. In fact, I have two words for Christmas 2015—Holiday Tattoos.
On that note, let’s check out a reader email and then see what’s happening in this merry little city of ours!
Dear Ruthie,
My new lover has the worst tattoo on the small of her back. I’d call it a tramp stamp, but it’s too ugly even for that. It’s supposed to be a sunset with geese flying in formation over a lake. It looks like a diseased full moon with ants crawling over her back. No one can tell what it is. It’s good that it’s covered most of the time. She likes it and doesn’t see how awful it is. Should I suggest a touch up? I hate the thing. Should I offer to pay for a tattoo removal? It would be worth it.
Thanks,
Tattoo Lost in Translation
Dear Lost,
Make it your New Year’s resolution to shut the hell up! Unless she asks, keep your criticisms to yourself about your new girl’s ink, as the kids call it. She clearly likes her tattoo, and it’s not in a spot that’s visible to the daily eye. I say, keep your lip zipped and keep your gal happy.
UPCOMING EVENTS:
January 3: Midwinter Gaming Convention Open House at UberDork Café (N89 W16750 Appleton Ave., Suite A, Menomonee Falls): The folks at this Menomonee Falls hot spot extend an uber-dorky hand to the gang at Midwinter Gaming for an afternoon of fun from 1 to 4 p.m. Try some new games, meet some new people and land some swag. Yes. I said, land…some…swag, beeyootch!
January 3: The Ball at The Down & Over Pub (2535 S. Kinnickinnic Ave.): The club kids at Population CTRL combine fashion, drag, music and art into a Brew Town rave that’s not to be missed. Billed as having “no rules, no panties and no judgment,” the event includes live entertainment, DJs and more for a $10 cover. The decadent insanity begins at 11 p.m. and continues to bar close.
January 4: Movie Night at Milwaukee LGBT Community Center (1110 N. Market St.): Cap off the weekend with this nifty new program from the community center. Every Sunday at 4 p.m., the center supplies the movie and popcorn—and you supply the smiles. (I’ll supply the corny commentary. As you see, I’ve already started.) We don’t know what the movie is, but everyone likes a surprise, so come and support this cinematic social series.
January 6: ‘Anything Goes’ at Marcus Center for the Performing Arts (929 N. Water St.): One of America’s favorite toe-tapping musicals makes it way to Milwaukee for an eight-performance run. Call the box office at 414-273-7206 or visit marcuscenter.org for show times and tickets. Then, grab your pocket Gay and make a night of it!
January 8: Riverside Gay/Straight Alliance Fundraiser at Hamburger Mary’s (2130 S. Kinnickinnic Ave.): Come support this Riverside University High School initiative by playing a few rounds of bingo at Bay View’s kitschy burger joint. Shannon Dupree is your gracious emcee during the delicious night of food, fun and overall festivity! A simple donation gets you 30 chances to win during the 10-game fundraiser.
Have a question for Ruthie or need to tell her about an event? Email DearRuthie@Shepex.com. Be sure to “friend” her on Facebook (Ruthie Keester), follow her on Twitter (@DearRuthie) and catch her web series at ruthiesbitchinkitchen.com.
