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Dear Ruthie,
My partner and I both want to try opening up our relationship, but I’m scared. What if I get jealous? What if he falls in love with someone new? What if we catch a disease? What if we meet someone who takes advantage of us financially, emotionally or otherwise? Do you think we should do it?
(Signed)
Curious but Cautious
Dear Curious,
You both want to try it? Really? Because, based on your message, I’m not sure you’re onboard with an open relationship. Don’t get me wrong. You are completely justified in the questions you’re asking. (These are questions every couple in an open relationship should be asking.) It sounds to me like the two of you aren’t agreeing on the answers, honey bunny.
If you and your partner haven’t thoroughly discussed the questions you noted and agreed on answers to all of them, then you need to hit the brakes. Do not move forward with opening up your relationship until you do so. After all, this isn’t like opening a bag of chips. You can’t just rip it open and hope everybody has a tasty bite.
You need honest conversations about boundaries, safer sex, emotional expectations, communication and what happens if somebody “catches feelings.” Most important, both people need to genuinely want it. Saying, “I agreed to it because I was afraid they’d leave me” is not an option.
Go slowly. Talk. Check in. And remember, the right relationship structure is the one where everybody is 100% confident in the arrangement being made.
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
September 17—OVM After Dark: Heated Ribaldry at Jan Serr Studio (2185 N. Prospect Ave.): Our Voice Milwaukee invites you to this 6 p.m. annual variety show/fundraiser that’s sure to bring a smile to your face with cheeky songs, cocktails, food and raffles. This gay chorus always puts on a great show so order your tickets today via www.ourvoicemke.org.
September 18—Bear Night at Woody’s (1579 S. Second St.): Bear men … unite! The team at Woody’s hosts this 7 p.m. gathering of bears, cubs, otters and fuzzy fans. Enjoy a beer bust, food, DJ and more during the monthly meet up that has everyone talking.
September 19 & 20—Freshwater Food & Wine Festival at Henry W. Maier Festival Park (200 N. Harbor Drive): There’s a new fest in town, and you’re not going to want to miss it. Enjoy world-class wines, craft beverages and top-rated culinary greats at this two-day fest. Appearances by celebrity chefs, live entertainment, tasting events and more make this a must for wine and food lovers across the state. See www.fwfoodandwine.com for tickets, schedules and more.
September 20—Milwaukee Makers Market at American Family Field (1 Brewers Way): More than 40 local makers, bakers, crafters and others offer their best with a fall makers mart held inside the stadium! Enjoy free parking (at the Brewers 2 lot) and free entry (via Left Field Entrance) for the 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. day of shopping local.
September 22—Mullet Bingo at Great Lakes Distillery (616 W. Virginia St.): Drag king Adam Furie hosts these hilarious 6 p.m. games once per month, so be sure to swing by and join the fun in September. Wear a mullet and get a free shot!
September 22—Opening Night Mamma Mia! at Marcus Performing Arts Center (929 N. Water St.): Here we go again! My, my, how can I resist you? You can’t resist this toe-tapping, feel-good musical, so order your tickets today via www.marcuscenter.org. Whether it’s your first time seeing the ABBA-esque musical or you’re a longtime fan, don’t miss out on the fun before this production moves out on September 27.
September 23—Bertha: Grateful Drag Concert at Pabst Theater (144 E. Wells St.): Party with the deadheads! The world’s first (only?) all-drag Grateful Dead tribute band returns to Brew City with an 8 p.m. concert. See why this band has taken the country by storm when you secure seats at www.pabsttheatergroup.com.
Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at DearRuthie@ShepEx.com.
