Dear Ruthie,
We live in a lovely part of the city. We all take care of our lawns and our homes, and we are respectable. Now, some white trash moved in and are ruining things with their tacky clothing, trash cars, ridiculous haircuts, country music and good ’ol boy personalities. Oh, and they smell weird, too—the scent of gasoline and despair. What can we do to bring respectability back to our neighborhood?
—Concerned Citizens
Dear Citizens,
You could likely improve your neighborhood by moving out, sugar.
Dear Ruthie,
My boyfriend moved in three months ago. My parents are good with the Gay thing, but my mom is oddly curious about which of us is the top and which is the bottom. I usually laugh off her comments, but I’m starting to get pissed. How can I tell her to back off about our sex life?
Your Fan,
Donnie Dale
Dear Double D,
A few things: 1) Tell her she’s acting weird; 2) Tell her it’s none of her beeswax and; 3) Tell her she’s acting weird. If all else fails, hand her this column…then go boink your honey.
Dear Ruthie,
My husband grills nearly every night for dinner. The problem? Every single time I have to go outside and cover the grill in the dark because he won’t do it. We can’t afford to buy a new grill because he won’t cover it! How can I get him to clean up after himself in this manner?
Thanks,
Irritated HusBear
Dear Bear,
It’s simple. Get down on your knees, clasp your hands together and thank the Baby Jesus that you have a man willing to cook you dinner. Then get off your hairy ass and cover the damn grill…and do the dishes while you’re at it!
UPCOMING EVENTS:
July 21: LGBT Business Builder at Ward 4/CSA Partners (333 N. Plankinton Ave.): Grow your LGBT enterprise and network with other LGBT business owners at this one-of-a-kind seminar. Workshops, numerous guest speakers and more round out the 12:30-5 p.m. afternoon. The event is free, but for more information see the “Events” area of wislgbtchamber.com.
July 21: ‘The Birdcage’ Screening at This Is It (418 E. Wells St.): Don’t pierce the toast! Join Nathan Lane and Robin Williams during this frolicking film that’s been a longtime LGBT favorite. Watch out for Agador, naked leapfroggers and Pirin Tablets, as well as drink specials and Divine Trash at the 7 p.m. showing.
July 22: Drag RePublic at Riverwest Public House Cooperative (815 E. Locust St.): Join the Drag RePublic! Some of the state’s hottest performers hit the boards for a Drag show with a $5 cover charge. Hosted by Travis Hard, the curtain goes up at 10 p.m. with the doors opening at 9 p.m.
July 22-24: Anniversary Weekend at Harbor Room (117 E. Greenfield Ave.): Celebrate this L/L bar’s 16th anniversary with a weekend of events. On Friday night, meet this year’s Mr. Harbor Room contestants, and then attend the 11 p.m. contest on Saturday. (The competition is always “stiff!”) Don’t miss the cookout and beer bust from 3 to 7 p.m. on Sunday.
July 23: Boy George & Culture Club at Uihlein Hall/Marcus Center (929 N. Water St.): One of the most iconic bands of the ’80s swings into Brew City with an 8 p.m. concert that’s sure to be one for the books! This is the group’s first tour in more than a decade, so you don’t want to miss out. Do you really want to hurt him? Of course, not! See marcuscenter.org for a variety of ticket packages.
July 24: Milwaukee Comic Con at American Serb Hall (5101 W. Oklahoma Ave.): Comic Con is back…and it’s bigger and better than ever! This year you’ll find more vendors, a larger cosplay costume contest and more gaming than ever before, all for just a $5 door charge. Want to learn more? Swing by geekincomics.com for additional information on the 10 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. convention.
July 24: Miltown LGBT Families at Estabrook Park Playground and Beer Garden (4600 Estabrooke Drive): Pack up the kids and hit this LGBT family fest from 3-6 p.m. Free ice cream will sweeten things up, and little ones also enjoy crafts, games and more. Families are encouraged, however, to bring their own picnic basket and blanket. Contact Laurie at 414-759-5500 to RSVP.
Want to share an event with Ruthie? Need her advice on a situation in your life? Email DearRuthie@Shepex.com.
