Dear Ruthie,
I hope you’re doing well and staying happy and healthy. I wanted to ask you something. There have been a few instances where I happen upon someone’s Facebook page, loved their posts and giggled myself silly over their memes and whatnot.
I then, send them a friend request, wishing to follow them, and I get crickets. I always feel that I’m invading their space or something, and I also feel that I’m ghosted. I am not sure if I’m justified in my feelings of rejection, but that is how I feel. Should I feel that way?
During these times, we all need to comfort one another. We are all dealing with very lonely and difficult days. Ghosting or ignoring others on social media doesn’t help. I think American social discourse has really declined because it’s so easy to not reply to someone’s messages. And it’s all based on what? My look, I guess. Just looking for your thoughts.
Am I overreacting? Wondering Dean
Dear Dean-o,
Damn, gurl! This is heavy shit for a Monday morning. Hell, I haven’t even had my a.m. cigarette or taken off last-night’s pantyhose, and you're bombarding me with the state of the country’s social discourse. (I had to look up “social discourse,” btw.) Jeez! Take it easy, honey!
Do I think you’re overreacting? Hell, yes! Remember, not everyone is on social media to make squeaky-clean new friends. Many are not interested in allowing complete strangers into their social media world, which is why most sites offer a variety of privacy settings. Don’t take things personally. Lots of people simply aren’t keen on adding folks they don’t know to their social media accounts. And to be honest that’s their prerogative.
Similarly, they don’t need to reply to you and explain why they aren’t interested in accepting your friend request. It’s just a part of the social-media mores. Would it be nice? I guess. Seems sort of weird to me, though.
Facebook allows you to “follow” folks without friending them (if their privacy setting offers that option). Maybe give that a shot. It seems that most on Instagram have their accounts set to “public,” so you can follow people easily. Maybe give that a try, too.
Regardless of what social media sites you pursue, you shouldn’t take a lack of response (from strangers) too personally. It’s not your looks, for cryin’ out loud. It’s just the way of the social-media world.
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
November 5—“Gay Life After 40” Mastermind Digital Event: Register for this daylong (8 a.m. to 4 p.m.) virtual class where you’ll learn to make the most of life. A panel of psychologists, authors, life coaches, and others offer input on everything from self-acceptance to physical wellbeing. Digital tickets are $99 and are available at www.eventbrite.com.
November 6—“RuPaul’s Drag Race Holland” at This Is It (418 E. Wells St.): Join drag darling Jaclyn Jill for a nifty night of drag reality...from Holland. Check out this first season of Ru’s latest foreign adventure while enjoying drink specials. The showing starts at 9 p.m. but get there early for a seat and to take advantage of happy-hour prices.
November 7 & 8—Holiday Market at Story Hill FireHouse (407 N. Hawley Road): Get a jump on your gift list with this annual outdoor market. The 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. event features local artists, crafters and makers selling their best, in addition to food vendors, cash bars and more. Grab your mask and enjoy the day shopping, snacking and sipping!
November 9—LGBTQ+ Support Group at Milwaukee LGBT Community Center (1110 N. Market St.): This free 6 p.m. group offers a confidential safe space for adults looking for guidance, friendship and support. Call 414-271-2656 for more information.
Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at DearRuthie@ShepEx.com. Follow her on social media, too! Facebook: Dear Ruthie, Instagram RuthieKeester and Twitter @DearRuthie.
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