Photo Credit: Allen Halas
Dear Ruthie
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Dear Ruthie,
When my husband and I got together 40 years ago, we agreed that he’d go to work and be the breadwinner, and I’d stay home and take care of the house and yard—as well as the cooking, laundry, etc.
At first this was great, but now that we’ve moved into larger and larger homes with bigger and bigger yards, and the fact that we’re both over 60, this arrangement is tougher to meet. I just can’t physically do it all anymore.
I appreciate my husband working eight-hour days, five days per week, but I’m working 12-hour days, seven days a week! When I spend an entire day doing yard work, I’m now way too tired to make dinner and clean up afterward.
How do I tell him that we need to reconsider our agreement without sounding ungrateful?
Thanks!
Tired Teddy
Dear Teddy,
After decades of marriage, it’s not odd, selfish or ungrateful to ask for a change regarding household tasks. You admit you’re getting older, so start the conversation with that. You both need to adjust things to better suit your health and capabilities.
Suggest a date night once per week as well as an order-dinner-in night to give you two nights off. Similarly ask if he can help with some things to lighten your load. Emptying the dishwasher, taking out the garbage or vacuuming are great options. Also, look for chores you can enjoy (yes, I said enjoy) together such as gardening. If the household is simply getting too large, maybe a downsize is in order. Discuss that option as well.
I’m sure you won’t come off as ungrateful if you focus the discussion around these concepts. After all, you both should be enjoying your best life. Don’t let frustration and animosity (caused by housework of all things!) get in the way.
Ruthie Social Calendar
May 31—Pride Pop-Up Show at Art*Bar (722 E. Burleigh St.): Get a jump start on Milwaukee’s pride events with this 7 p.m. reception that kicks off a fantastic art exhibit, “A Look Back in Time.” In addition to the historic photographs spotlighting the city’s pride movement, you’ll enjoy live music, friendly bartenders and more.
May 31—Make a Promise Gala at Baird Center (400 W. Wisconsin Ave.): One of the city’s largest, longest-running charities is back with this glorious fundraiser that makes a promise to fight AIDS until a cure if found. Enjoy an incredible dinner, multiple musical acts, impressive auctions and so much more. See the events page of viventhealth.org for ticket information.
June 1—Ride with Pride Fundraiser at Harbor Room (117 E. Greenfield Ave.): Whether you ride a motorcycle or not, you’re sure to have a great time during this 3-7 p.m. bash. Enjoy a bit of day drinking alongside 50/50 raffles, prize giveaways, and more! A great way to meet new people and hangout with old friends, these monthly parties are not to be missed.
June 1—“Finding Our Way Forward Together” Our Voice Milwaukee Concert at The United Methodist Church of Whitefish Bay (819 E. Silver Spring Drive): Milwaukee’s chorus for gay men and their allies, Our Voice serves up this heartfelt 7:30 p.m. concert. Always a delightful show, this production pays homage to the journeys we all take in life. Stop by ourvoicemke.org for tickets.
June 2—Pride Pop-Up in the Park at Railroad Park (West National Ave. and South 82nd St.): The pizza pros at Flour Girl & Flame host this 11 a.m. salute to pride. Stop by and you’ll find plenty of freshly baked pizza and lots of family fun.
June 3—Bi+ Book Club at Milwaukee LGBT Community Center (315 W. Court St.): This monthly book club is a great way to make new friends and discuss titles you may not have read on your own. This month, the 6:30 p.m. group tackles the non-fiction book “Bi: The Hidden Culture, History and Science of Bisexuality” by Julia Shaw. What a fun way to celebrate pride month! See mkelgbt.org for details.
Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at DearRuthie@ShepEx.com.
