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Folks are exploring non-traditional relationships more than ever these days. Sometimes, those relations work; other times, there are issues with jealousy. Let’s take a look at an email I received from someone looking for guidance.
Dear Ruthie,
My live-in partner and I have a poly relationship. He has a boyfriend. I do not. I’m clashing with his boyfriend (my metamour or “meta”). He and I keep arguing about shared time with our partner, and it’s intense. How can I increase communication with my metamour, improve our friendship and stop being enemies.
Thanks,
Polyamorous Paulie
Dear Paulie,
Oh, you kids and your crazy, mixed-up, complex, interesting, exciting, forward-thinking relationships!
Start by taking a minute to make sure a poly lifestyle is what you truly want. Your desire to make things work with your meta makes me think that you do, indeed, value a polyamorous relationship. That said, this is still a good time to take inventory of your feeling and relationship goals.
If you decide you’re cool with having a metamour, host a calm discussion involving all three of you. Describe what “quality time” means or looks like to each of you. Next, discuss what expectations everyone has about the relationship overall. Lastly look at schedules. Create a shared calendar that works for everyone. Remember that your metamour is a person, not a rival. He also has feelings, desires, expectations and goals.
If the fighting continues, you may need to reconsider the entire relationship. Talk to your partner one-on-one and consider seeing a therapist if this is a relationship you want to keep.
Ruthie’s Social Calendar
March 25—Our Table Potluck at MKE LGBT Community Center (161 S. First St.): This dinner dishes out a tasty menu for those 50 and older. Contribute an item to share or simply bring yourself. Make new friends, enjoy lively discussions and relish this safe space with a meal provided by community center volunteers. Dinner is served at 5 p.m.
March 28—"Gather Them” Anniversary Party at The Cooperage (822 S. Water St.): The queer dance party returns with another night of community, celebration and more. From bingo and cocktails to a drag competition and house music, the fun keeps coming all night long. See www.eventbrite.com for tickets and details.
March 28—Mr. Gay Wisconsin USofA at LaCage Niteclub (801 S. Second St.): The state’s hottest guys hit the stage during this nail-biting competition where pride, passion and pure entertainment make for a memorable night. The pageant starts at 10 p.m. and features appearances by some of the city’s favorite performers.
March 29—Hannah Montana vs Miley Cyrus Drag Brunch at Oggie’s (411 E. Mason St.): Get ready for a glitter-soaked showdown between the Disney Channel sweetheart and the rhinestone rebel! It goes down during this delicious brunch that features all the music, glitter and glam you’ve come to expect from this midday hot spot. The fun starts at 11 a.m. and often sells out so nab your tickets soon via www.opentable.com.
March 29—Fifth Annual Easter Bonnet Contest at Harbor Room (117 E. Greenfield Ave.): Celebrate Easter early with an afternoon of fun, food and fabulosity at Harbor Room. Enjoy a buffet lunch at 1 p.m. (with purchase of a beverage) and then take in the contest at 3 p.m. (Register by 2:30 p.m. to enter.) This contest is always a good time, so arrive early to nab a seat.
March 29—Showtune Sunday at Pop (124 W. National Ave.): Get in on the good times as the team at Pop celebrates the Great White Way. The 3-6 p.m. bash serves up Broadway’s current best along with all the classic, toe-tapping tunes you’d expect. Pop-up drag performances round out the afternoon.
March 31—2026 Diorama Rama at Milwaukee Public Museum (800 W. Wells St.): Loved making dioramas as a kid? If so, you’re in for a treat with this sensation exhibit! Check out dozens of dioramas scattered throughout the museum from 6-8:30 p.m. Vote for your favorite after securing tickets at www.mpm.edu.
Have a question for Ruthie? Want to share an event with her? Contact Ruthie at DearRuthie@ShepEx.com.
