With the pandemic as a legitimate excuse, an artist friend, something of a social recluse, is basking in guiltless solitude. He can now relax without fear of a handshake or, God forbid, a hug, and can putter around his apartment being creative or camp on the couch watching classic movies or mindless marathons (Sponge Bob Square Pants, for example), all while doting on his cat.
Of the cohabitating LGBTQ couples I know, it seems most are enduring the extended one-on-one without a little or no discord beyond the usual. There are, of course, stresses. A companion’s quirky habits, however endearing in small doses, may now wear the other’s patience to the breaking point. Locked-down, long-term “Odd Couple”-like pairings may fall into a reprise of Albee-esque, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf bickering. Whether in a charming Bay View bungalow, a Prospect Avenue penthouse condo or a 6000 sq. ft. Mequon McMansion, four walls are four walls—granted the mansion provides more hiding places. I suppose some local theater might stage Virginia Woolf when the all-clear is sounded. The question is whether or not audiences would tolerate sitting through a performance and essentially watching themselves.
Meanwhile, social media and dating apps are keeping us in touch, figuratively at least. Admittedly, I’m tiring of my online friends’ self-congratulatory posts triumphantly showcasing their folded laundry or cakes baked from scratch. I might respond with a “like” but I’m thinking “really? You just discovered flour?” And who folds laundry anyway?
But, there’s a more serious side to the “Safer-at-Home” order when it comes to those who are not safer at home. Solo seniors may find themselves increasingly isolated, if not entirely forgotten.
Abusive Relationships
And, like their straight counterparts in the best of times, LGBTQs can find themselves in abusive relationships. Whether physical or emotional, incidents of intimate partner violence (IPV) are shown to be as frequent among LGBTQs as among straights. In fact, their rates may be higher. The reality is there are certain factors in LGBTQ life that create additional stressors in relationships. Beyond coping with homophobia, self-loathing and issues of social inequality, traditional family support is often absent. Depending on location, institutional entities like health care and legal systems may not adequately provide protections for same-sex partners.
Meanwhile, under the current circumstances of the pandemic, a recent Human Rights Campaign study shows a greater IPV increase among members of the LGBTQ community. This is due in part to our high rates of employment in industries most affected by business shutdowns. Exacerbated by the additional economic strains, already abusive partners can become increasingly volatile.
School closures affect another community demographic, namely youth. At all academic levels, they now find themselves locked down in parental or foster homes and locked out of supportive resources like high school gay-straight alliances or relevant university programs.
Intolerant Environments
In the countryside or urban Milwaukee, students restricted to staying at home can suddenly find themselves in an intolerant environment with no escape. Whether out or still in the closet, life in such situations can be psychologically stressful. Out individuals may experience a broad range of targeted indignities from bullying micro-aggressions to physical violence. Homelessness or self-destructive behaviors can be a consequent.
Diverse & Resilient offers its Room to be Safe anti-Violence Program. The Milwaukee LGBT Community Center also provides crisis and anti-violence counseling. Pathfinders’ crisis hotline specifically addresses youth issues. Access to these programs may be made through their respective websites.
Of course, it’s up to our LGBTQ community to look after our own. Today more than ever, that should include looking in on our seniors and referring those we know to be in “complicated” relationships to support services.
