From Outside the Mendacity Zone

by

I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, waggish “marksmanship” jokes aside, as a suspectically seasoned news reporter of nowhere-near repute, I need to report the following vis-à-vis the hoo-ha surrounding this Republican National Convention we got going on in The City That Always Sweeps:

On the early afternoon of Tuesday, July 16, a dear close neighbor of mine from across the hall from my dinky apartment walk-up schmutz, was returning via the city sidewalk with a bag of necessary groceries I requested that contained a box of Kemp’s Mini ice cream sandwiches (vanilla, 16 pack), a naturally artificially grape-flavored Powerade Zero (28 FL OZ), and a Chicken of the Sea chunk-light tuna tin, what the fock.

As my savior returned south-bound on North Van Buren Street so as to my deliver my Kroger Metro Market bounty, a squad of 12 “peace officers” from who-knows-where were pumping their Schwinn pedals heading north. On the sidewalk, not in the street.

Pedestrians? Schme-destrians.

Yeah, bicycles on the what-you call sidewalk. I hear that’s not legal unless you’re like beneath the age of 10.

Don’t believe me? Then check this out: From some kind of state/city law stuff:

CHAPTER 102 

BICYCLES AND SNOWMOBILES

102-7. Bicycle Regulations. 1. RIDING ON PUBLIC WAYS. a. Operation of bicycles or electric scooters. No bicycle or electric scooter shall be operated upon any public sidewalk, or any pedestrian path in a public park.

So, my savior had to confront a dozen douchebag bike-riding badged jagwagons from who knows where (I hear we had 4,000-5,000 imported cops who’d like nothing more than come to our town and ride a bike around a great town and even see a Great Lake).

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He was ready to stand his ground to combat this obvious daytime display of lawlessness. But what can a man armed with only a couple, three bags of stuff from the grocery store do to fight those whose mission is to “protect and serve” whilst disrespecting law and order, besides vote? You tell me.

And then I’ll tell you’s, as part of my in-depth coverage of this ferkakta Republican National Convention, about Trumpel-thinskin’s selection of Republican Senator J.D. Vance out of Ohio who would become our president if Dumbty-Trumpty were elected this November and sometime thereafter were to choke to death on a large-cut slice of pickle from off a McDonalds’ Big Mac.

So, what do we know about this Vance character?

Let me offer you a beginner’s guide, from vox.com, a fan-focking-tabulous news site that has yet to bilk your wallet with a bullshit subscription fee, thank you:

Here’s a tidbit from Zack Beauchamp, titled:

Trump’s VP Pick is a naked authoritatian

vox.com/politics/360283/jd-vance-trump-vp-vice-president-authoritarian:

Vance has said that, had he been vice president in 2020, he would have carried out Trump’s scheme for the vice president to overturn the election results. He has fundraised for January 6 rioters… In a podcast interview, Vance said that Trump should “fire every single mid-level bureaucrat” in the US government and “replace them with our people.” If the courts attempt to stop this, Vance says, Trump should simply ignore the law.

Focking swell. Heil Trump!, ain’a? 

Ohio. According to my research there have been eight U.S. presidents out of a total of 46 from the Buckeye State. Need a refresher? Here we go, complete with a ranking from a “greatness ranking” from a C-Span survey I stumbled across the other day:

  • William Henry Harrison (rank #40)
  • Ulysses S. Grant (#20)
  • Rutherford B. Hayes (#33)
  • James A. Garfield (#27)
  • Benjamin Harrison (#32)
  • William McKinley (#14)
  • William H. Taft (#23)
  • Warren G. Harding (#37)

Good lord, not even a Top Ten in there. If I got my math right, that’s an average of 28.25 on the scale of presidential suck. Numbers don’t lie, unless you’re a Republican.

So now back to you, signing off with Old Grand Dad by my side, embedded outside the mendacity zone in Milwaukee, Badgerland. 

Forward, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.