Questions, oh yeah, you bet. But no focking question focking bigger forme, lo, these days, than what the fock is the hold-up with the health insurancefixer-upper for the people? Is it that the congressional Republican hold-upspuppeteered by the Focks News douchebags are too busy scoring red-state tit offof Alaska’s bespectacled “Death Panel” Rogue Hag that they can’t see that the “everyday, hardworkingAmericans,” the “everyday folks” of the “true America” without a claim on somekind of health insurance have to focking croak just so they can afford to see adoctor; say the one who performs the autopsy?
Yeah yeah, reminds me of a time a couple, three years back when a guylike me all of a sudden feels like his heart’s trying to crawl out of his chestlike the alien in a moviecoincidentally called Aliensees stars and feels likehe’s about to become passed-out like a baloney sandwich at a homeless shelter,or something like that. He figures that one of these days maybe he ought to goby the hospital and let them have a poke-around, what the fock.
So: “How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?” For some,answer is “depends on what kind of insurance you have.” But for bazillions offellow citizens, answer’s got to be “None. Fock the light bulb. You’re the onewho’s screwed.”
Cripes almighty, this persistent mess with the doctors, these HMOs andthe question of “who can be a patient and who can’t” has even affected the playof innocent children’s games. To wit: So this little girl, second grade, comeshome from school and tells her ma, “This boy in my class asked me to playdoctor today.” Naturally, her ma was a little nervous and asked the girl whatthe heck went on. And the girl says, “Nothing. He just made me wait an hour and45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.” Ba-ding!
So yeah, I didn’t go to the doctors right away back then when I felt myinner-health alarm start beeping like a banshee. Even though I had some kind ofhealth insurance, going to the doctors still will cost you something. So Ihoped that whatever was going haywire would plain go away by itself, which isthe only thing the people with no insurance can dohope that whatever’s goinghaywire will go away by itself, because going to the doctors can cost you everything. You get good and honkingpuking sick these days without the insurance, not only do you need the “sickleave” from work, but you better pray you got “bankruptcy leave” to boot, I kidyou not.
And serendipity, that morning I heard some jag on the radio talking’bout the skyrocket costs for the health care, and that if all the people, eachand every one, took more of what-you-call the preventative measures, thesecosts could enjoy a bit of shrinkagegot to be good news for the uninsured,ain’a? Take your preventative measures and if you get good and honking pukingsick, it might only cost you one billion focking bucks instead of two billionfocking bucksthanks, I feel so much better, and I even learned how to take outmy own focking appendix.
Damn shame these Florence Nightingales we somehow got elected toCongress who can’t do one goddamn thing for the people who can’t get the healthinsurance, except to offer them the option of considering only one health-carepreventative measurego hang yourself from a beam in the basement and declareyourself technically out of the system.
Fock ’em all, each and everyone. And I am reminded of a story:
This rich guy with a load ofhealth insurance was having heart trouble so he goes to the doctors to see whathis options are. Doctor recommends a heart transplant. The patient agrees andasks if there were any hearts immediately available, since money’s no issuewith him.
Doctor says, “I’ve got three hearts. The first is from an 18-year-oldkid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer with a great diet. Shark attack but theheart’s perfect. It's $100,000. The second’s from a marathon runner, 25 yearsold, great condition, very strong. Got hit by a bus. It's $150,000. The thirdis from a self-serving hypocritical liar whose job was to make his croniesrich. Costs $500,000.”
Patient says, “Hey, why’s that heart so expensive? Guy sounds like anasshole who lived a terrible life!”
“True, but it's from a member of the United States Senate. It’s neverbeen used.” Ba-ding!
As for my visit, the doctors couldn’t find anything wrong, for now, butthank god they still got paid, somehowreminded me of this old gag: Man goes to a doctor. Man says, “I got thispain in my neck.” Doctor asks, “You ever had that pain before?” Man says hehas. Doctor says, “Well, you got it again.”
Anyways, I was supposed to take it easy; so enough with the bitching,for now, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.