Art Kumbalek
I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? And so another holiday season has closed—for most of you’s, but not for me, no sir. As I’ve said many times, many ways, for a guy like me every day’s just another focking holiday. And I can honestly tell you that I’m not bashful to invoke the lord-to-some’s name as I celebrate my daily focking holiday, to wit: “Jesus H. Christ, where the hell is the goddamn bus?” “For Christ sakes you got to be jerking beefaroni. You want how much for that cocktail?”
And yes, this is to be my annual much-ballyhooed Look Back/Watch Out Ahead gala essay, even though I surely don’t much feel like slapping it together. The world’s another year older and deeper in death, hey Saint Peter don’t you call me ’cause I can’t go, I owe my soul to you-focking-name-it.
Looking back, last year, I could pound my head against the wall silly to try to find something positive to say. So I pounded my head against the wall silly and all I could come up with is this headline from an Internet story: “Lightning strikes killed fewer Americans than ever in 2013.
