Photo: nesharm - Getty Images
Art Kumbalek football cheering
I’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, I hear we got another Packer-less American football Super Bowl coming up on the day of the week religious scholars would name as the Christian Lord’s Sabbath. I’m guessing that would be a Sunday, I kid you not.
Kansas City Chiefs, what with their arrowhead icons and nativist disrespect versus Philadelphia Eagles, what with their helmeted silver wings so’s to represent our national bird, the symbol of the so-called greatest democracy on a planet in the universe, so I’ve heard.
My pick: Chiefs re-name Eagles as turkeys.
But I hear that the National Football League has the hots to become the International Football League; thus, more teams, more bird nicknames—the Netherlands “Godwits,” the Malaysia “Rhinoceros Hornbills,” the Botswana “Bustards.”
Anyways I’ve got other fish to fry (the IFL Philippines “Milkfish”?). Such as here’s a newsy bit for you’s to peruse from cnn.com.
Headline:
Puzzling fossils unearthed in China may rewrite the human story
First paragraph:
A cache of human-like fossils from China has perplexed scientists for decades, defying explanation or categorization.
Later in the story, this:
The most striking characteristic of this previously unknown human ancestor? An extremely large brain that’s bigger than that of our species, Homo sapiens, the only surviving hominin.
And:
“Their skulls are actually very, very large, you know, the estimated cranial capacity is 1,700, 1,800 cubic centimeters,” said Bae, who also described Homo juluensis in his book “The Paleoanthropology of Eastern Asia,” published in September. “We have a minimum capacity of about 1,350 cc, on average, we’re about 1,450 (cc). “It’s not an order of magnitude larger but it’s much more robust.”
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Gosh darn it, if only our large-brained ancestors had survived and figured they ought to high-tail and migrate to places like present day Mississippi, Alabama, Ida-focking-ho, perhaps our recent national election would have taken a different turn, ain’a?
Extra extra, read all about it here, provided my brain can cranially do this new-fashioned link stuff:
cnn.com/2025/01/24/science/china-fossils-ancient-humans-homo-juluensis-denisovans/index.html
Anyways, I keep reading and getting the heebie-jeebies about how your average Joe Blow can get his identity stolen from who-knows-who from who-knows-where, what the fock.
Yes sir, you get your “identity” swiped by some douchebag, and it’s like all of a sudden you’ve got an evil twin out there somewheres in the world having a grand old time on your dime, I kid you not.
And natch’, I got to wonder who in their right mind would want to steal my identity ’cause if they did, they’d soon find it to be way more trouble than it’s worth.
What, you want to be me? Are you focking jerking my beefaroni?
Reader warning! Run-on sentence ahead.
OK, be my guest, but let me warn you this: Do not expect to be shown to the best stool when you visit your local George Webb’s, and you can definitely forget about door-to-door service from your Milwaukee County Transit System when you got to hop onboard so’s you can get to the hospital on account of sudden yet dire physical circumstances that will lead to some kind something-SCAN, and don’t expect V.I.P. treatment from the bankruptcy court you will appear before ’cause no way in hell do you have an extra $50-grand to pay for said medical treatment schmutz on account you don’t have the right kind of health insurance(s), because our asshole United States Congress who are to represent our people from sea-to-shining-sea don’t believe their purple-mountain-majestied people deserve a little across-the-board protection when it comes to the kind of puking-dying sickness that will land a guy or gal flat-on-their ass out on the street.
Heavens to Murgatroyd, you bet. But as the great mid-20th-century American philosopher Daffy Duck once said: It is to laugh.
Yeah yeah, and it’s not just individuals who can somehow lose their identity. How ’bout that Democratic Party, the party for the working-man?
Before every president and member of the congress and Senate is sworn in, I wish that constitutionally they were required to watch Frank Capra’s 1936 Mr. Deeds Goes to Town. These in-the-corporate-pocket jagwagons need to see the climactic courtroom scene where Longfellow Deeds (Gary Cooper) is on trial for being nuts ’cause he inherited $20 million dollars and wants to give it away to the needy. It’s when Deeds testifies this:
From what I can see, no matter what system of government we have, there will always be leaders and always be followers. It’s like the road out in front of my house. It’s on a steep hill. Every day I watch the cars climbing up. Some go lickety-split up that hill on high, some have to shift into second, and some sputter and shake and slip back to the bottom again. Same cars, same gasoline, yet some make it and some don’t. And I say the fellas who can make the hill on high should stop once in a while and help those who can’t. That’s all I’m trying to do with this money. Help the fellas who can’t make the hill on high.
Amen, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.
