Finding Time for Quiet

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Ask Ally

Dear Ally,

It’s the New Year.

I read your last column about calling our resolutions, “Daily Acts of Courage.”I’m not there yet. Even though you wrote that we matter, I don’t feel that way. You also said that changing our mindset is an inside job. I know I had a rough childhood, but I’m afraid to look inside. Maybe nothing’s there. It’s not that I’m shallow; I just don’t know how to go inside. Can you help?

Beginner

Dear Beginner,

Consider yourself, a work in progress, never shallow. You’d be surprised at how many people feel the same way but are too shy to ask. Give yourself a pat on the back for calling yourself a beginner. It automatically gives you the freedom to ask lots of questions and make lots of mistakes. 

There’s one significant ingredient to go inside. Quiet time for yourself. Try it. Every day. Even five minutes can put you on the right path. When you intentionally make time for yourself, you start putting yourself first. That sounds easy, but is actually, harder than you think. 

Going Within

After trying this for years, I find that it’s best to practice your quiet time, first thing in the morning. You can bring your coffee or tea with you. Sit comfortably on the floor or a chair. Close your eyes and try to feel the stillness in the room. Stay conscious of your breath. It’s important that you feel relaxed, comfortable and safe in this space.

Everyone reacts to the quiet differently, but there is one constant obstacle: our thoughts. The mind never wants to shut off. Life worries, such as bills, obligations or troubling relationships, will pester you and make you feel restless. The thoughts will keep coming. Choose not to follow your thoughts. Let them float away. This is hard work, and it takes a long time. It’s important to stay in the stillness and Accept What Is in The Moment. Stay the course and over time, your determination for the stillness, will outlast your swirling thoughts. 

You’ll start learning things about yourself as soon as the chatter is gone. It’s difficult to describe in words, but you’ll start feeling differently about your life. Patience is important here. This practice takes a long time. If you can trust the process, you may begin to feel more peaceful. 

A potential positive outcome, generated by the quiet, is that you might hear your inner voice, the wisest part of you. No hidden agendas here, just your best interest at heart. The ideal situation is to develop your quiet time habit, so that your inner voice becomes louder and easier to hear. 

Our inner voice is a tremendous resource and can help shape our lives according to our own wishes, values and goals.  

If staying in the stillness isn’t working, you can try guided or silent meditations as well. Insight Timer and Headspace are great free apps.  

Checking in with Ourselves

Once you have established a routine, spend the rest of the time, enjoying the stillness as long as your time permits. 

As you become more comfortable in the silence, you can start the process of going inside with a simple exercise. Try checking in with yourself over something simple, like a movie or dinner invitation from friends.

Ask yourself whether you really want to go or not. Too often, we automatically accept social invites without even asking ourselves. Listen for an answer. If nothing happens, try again later. An answer will come to you. 

Once you practice the habit of checking in with yourself, your connection to your inner voice will strengthen. You’ll start asking yourself tougher questions and learn to rely on your voice for guidance. After a while, you may even begin to feel like you’re actively creating your life and shaping it according to your wishes. 

This is the main reason we go inside, to develop a strong connection with our inner self. As the connection becomes deeper, we’re able to create a life that’s more authentic, more in tune with who we are and who we want to become.