If Finances Make Your Life Difficult, You May Have a Money Disorder

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Couple with financial problems

The scene is familiar among couples everywhere when discussing money. One partner wants to take an annual bonus, an inheritance windfall, or even just the monthly paycheck and save or invest all or part of it for a rainy day. The other partner wants to spend it immediately on a household upgrade, a much-needed vacation, or maybe even a sailboat. Arguments ensue, a settlement may or may not be reached, and at least one person, if not both, come away unhappy.

A standard exercise in all relationships? Sometimes, yes. But it also might mean that either one or both partners have a money disorder, a chronic pattern of self-defeating financial behavior resulting in an inability to manage the money available in constructive ways that further the goals of the relationship or family. The reasons for such disorders are many, and some are serious enough to require the intervention of a financial therapist, someone who goes beyond financial advisor role to get to the psychological root of money problems and set the sufferer on a more positive road to financial growth and satisfaction.

The Stakes are High, the Diagnoses Many

According to a 2018 Northwestern Mutual Planning & Progress Study, money woes and concerns are the number one stressor for 44% of Americans. Stress and anxiety over money can lead to sleepless nights, personal difficulties, and even destructive behaviors resulting in even greater money management woes. For those most severely affected, professional intervention may be the only way to treat the disorder and get them back on the right financial course.

There are actual formal diagnoses found within the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders that address the problem. The more familiar diagnoses include:

• Compulsive spending, which affects people who shop often either in person or online, spend more than they should, and later feel remorse about their purchases;

• Hoarding disorders, in which the sufferer saves anything and everything no matter the value, are often the offshoot of compulsive spending;

• Workaholism, a condition often driven by anxiety over poor money management skills, that leads the sufferer to work harder in an attempt to get ahead of the debt;

• Pathological gambling, which is an obvious detriment to anyone’s money management skills;

• Financial infidelity, in which one partner hides savings, checking or credit card accounts for personal use from the other partner, violating the trust they may have established as a couple for mutual money management goals;

• Financial dependence, enabling, and enmeshment, which describe various unhealthy monetary relationships between the sufferers and their children that can negatively affect both parties; and

• Financial denial, in which sufferers ignore their own financial situation for any of a variety of reasons.

Symptoms and Solutions

No one is born with a money disorder, but personality aspects and personal histories tend to drive their development, and social pressures and issues certainly can exacerbate them. We all have anxiety about money to a greater or lesser degree, even if we have more money than we’ll ever need and become pathological about not losing that comfort level. So, how can you recognize the symptoms?

Sudden shifts in spending habits in either direction can indicate increasing concern about money, as can a growing dependence on credit cards to pay for more mundane purchases like groceries and utility bills. One of the most evident signs is the avoidance or reluctance to talk about money or denying its importance. Symptoms can even include general mental issues like anxiety and depression, or physical manifestations like weight loss, weight gain or sudden sleeplessness.

The first step in addressing these concerns is reaching out to friends, family, and your partner to open the discussion and shed light on your issues. Hiring a financial therapist is another avenue for those more seriously affected. There is a Financial Therapy Association that may be able to connect you to a practitioner if you choose to go that route.

And, as you might expect, there is even a self-help group, in this case called Debtors Anonymous, to help those who need more frequent peer support. 

Maybe it’s time to unwind your issues around money and seek the help you need. None of them alone are necessarily fatal, but mastering your money will help you lead a better, more comfortable, and more profitable life.