"My coworker found my long-time boyfriend on an online dating site. He cheated, and I am embarrassed and angry! Now I want revenge and everyone to know what a scum he is. What is the name of that online reporting site? How can I get the word out and get even?"
Asta Timm, PLCC RN BSN
Dear Sweet Revenger,
We usually hear people say to “just sit back and let karma do its thing!” But no way! Not this time! Mr. Scum deserves an extra special approach. Do I hear a country song playing in the background? First, put down those keys and move away from his “souped-up four-wheel drive” (insert music note). I know you want to “save a little trouble for the next girl” (music note) and alert all female singles across the nation. Oh, if only there was a Scum Alert app!
In situations like this, we tend to revert to some kind of primal behavior completely forgetting we are successful and of sound mind. So, instead of starting a Mr. Scum notification system, take these three steps:
1. Work through the emotions by taking some alone time. Cry it out, scream if you have to, eat the ice cream and then “shake it off, shake it off” (music note). It happened, it’s over and thank goodness you found out now and not two years from now.
2. Instead of spending even more time and energy on him, make yourself great again (no political pun intended, ha). It’s spring! Get a fresh look and a fresh plan. Do some spring cleaning and get rid of those items from Mr. Scum. ALL OF THEM! Afterall, you should be changing your focus to Mr. Right, who’s probably right around the corner.
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3. Reach out for support. Call friends and remember to have some fun. Celebrate your new status, and let your friends remind you how awesome you truly are! This is much sweeter than any revenge pathway.
That’s it! Wanting him to suffer the consequences for breaking your heart is natural. Don’t choose revenge and waste effort on your public service announcements. Mr. Scum will be honored by your attention (trust me, it won’t stop him). And, Mr. Right will run from yet another member of the Bitter, Angry and Even a Bit Dangerous Club. Leave the drama to Lifetime Movies, and GO GET GREAT, GIRL!
Professional coaching can help guide you through difficult times and avoid the common pitfalls when emotions take over.
Have a question for Asta? You can submit your questions for consideration at: askasta@absolutelybyasta.com.
