Am I Normal

×

Expand

Image by Blueastro - Getty Images

Head full of things illustration

Ever wonder if one of your behavioral tendencies or personality traits falls outside the so-called normal range? In this regard, do you sometimes ask yourself, “Is what I’m doing normal?” or even, “Am I weird?” Many folks do, and Mike is a case in point.

“I have trouble sitting still. I just need to be doing something all the time,” he lamented.

“Is that creating problems for you, your health, relationships or emotional state?” I asked.

“Aside from worrying about it, no, not really,” he replied. “But that’s not normal, right? You should be able to just chill and do nothing.”

“Not necessarily. If that behavior is not messing with your life, then it’s probably not worth worrying about,” I suggested, contradicting the interpretation he’d received from a shrink on a radio call-in program.

Manic Tendencies

Being the label-happy folks we are, mental health types are inclined to look at a tendency such as Mike’s with a jaundiced eye. The radio shrink told Mike he was running from something in his past or character, and that he was fundamentally ill-at-ease with himself. He went on to say he might even consider him “manic” or suffering from adult ADHD. 

But in the absence of certain obvious no-no’s, such as actions that clearly harm oneself or others, I evaluate most behaviors based on their effects, not my personal or moral biases or the diagnostic manual. For example, there are people who use alcohol or cannabis daily but without any negative consequences. No DUIs, domestic disputes, binging, employment issues or health problems. And then there are those who let their relationship with substances ruin their lives.

Many behaviors are neither inherently bad nor good.  How they influence one’s well-being and that of others is what makes that determination. Granted, some hurtful consequences from our behavioral choices can occur on a delayed fuse, so to speak. For instance, with alcohol use, long-term health effects can take decades to emerge. 

Still, except in extreme cases, this general rule usually holds: The value judgments we assign to certain tendencies should be assessed on how these behaviors influence one’s well-being or that of other involved individuals.  

Quirks and Traits

Now, I’ve had many clients ask me to pronounce professional judgment (normal or abnormal?) on their habits or proclivities. The behaviors that leave them questioning their mental health or normalcy vary from minor quirks to prominent personality traits. For instance, there are folks with compulsive tendencies (like triple-checking all the windows and doors before leaving the house) that, while perhaps appearing odd or excessive to some, are entirely harmless. And some people question the normality of core aspects of themselves, such as sexual orientation, shyness, heightened emotional sensitivity or strong passions.

The primary question they ask is, “Am I OK?” In most instances, the answer doesn’t reside in a diagnostic label, so-called expert opinion or moralistic pronouncement from some holier-than-thou type. Rather, the answer emerges in how a given aspect of one’s behavior or personality plays out in real life. What does it create, good or ill? The consequences define what is or is not normal.

In the mental health field, there’s an inclination to psychopathologize behaviors that are eccentric, quirky, over-the-top or culturally non-conforming, while giving a free pass to those that are common. But common doesn’t equal normal. An egregious example from the past included labeling homosexuality, which is less common than heterosexuality, as a mental illness. Others include defining highly sensitive females as “histrionic,” assuming all high energy children are ADHD, and labeling any form of sadness or melancholia as “clinical depression.”

So, if folks or media or professionals like me are defining your behavior as abnormal, but engaging in it does no harm, you can reasonably ignore them. Because what they’re doing to you is what’s actually abnormal.

For more, visit philipchard.com.