Photo by Diamond Dogs - Getty Images
Two Women Dancing
“As a shrink, what do you consider the weirdest thing that scares people?” my friend Mike asked, our backcountry campfire twinkling in his eyes.
I contemplated the anxieties that plague our lives, the fears of heights, failure, bugs, public speaking, death, flying, sickness and so many more.
“It’s not anything out there,” I replied, staring into the vast blackness of the Rocky Mountain wilderness. “I suspect our weirdest fears, whatever they are, come from inside.”
I took Mike's question to sleep with me and dreamed I was on a sun-drenched hillside surrounded by dancing, singing people busy celebrating life. They beckoned me to join them, but something held me back. Around my heart I felt the shackles of old, dreary messages like “Act your age” and “You'll look stupid.”
I awoke with one possible answer, but not one I expected.
“Joy,” I told Mike the next morning after we opened our arms in salutation to the rising sun. “I don’t know if that’s the weirdest fear, but it scares a lot of people.”
Frightened by Rapture
Too many of us hide from joy, frightened by the prospect of losing ourselves in the rapture of dance, music, lovemaking, spiritual reverie, awe and wonder, laughter or intimate sharing. Those so inclined writhe in an emotional straight jacket, unable to fully reach out to others or experience the élan vital of existence.
The danger in surrendering to joy resides in lowering our defenses. To be joyful is to throw open the doors to one's heart, leaving the inner self exposed and vulnerable. That scares the hell out of some of us, particularly those with a robust inner critic or judgmental detractors in our social environment.
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In order to openly rejoice, most of us need to feel safe from ridicule. While some folks can express joy while alone or in the company of accepting friends, others remain restrained by the voices of criticism implanted in their psyches long before by curmudgeonly parents, teachers, siblings or peers. “Don't be childish,” is a common admonishment from the Gotcha! peanut gallery.
Dance with Glee
Those without this fear are often mystified by people who cannot shout for joy, quake with belly laughter, dance with glee or swoon with ecstasy. Some even resort to calling such folks “repressed” and “up tight” and “dead below the neck.”
But like most irrational fears, being scared of joy is not an intentional choice. Indeed, for some, it is a crippling trepidation that leaves them emotionally disabled.
“Showing happiness was taboo in my family,” Steve, a client, explained. “I was trained to choke off expressions of joy and punished if I didn't.”
Critics of the joyful are a somber bunch who look askance at anyone who seems unduly festive. Their attitude? It's OK to be happy so long as you're reasonably subdued about it. A former medical student I taught who liked to dance in the rain and sing to the moon was labeled "goofy" by her peers. I found her exceedingly sane.
Fears are what hold us back from living, and the fear of joy does more damage in this regard than most. So, if you find yourself a joyless sort, summon the courage to dance, sing, laugh, and rejoice now and then, regardless of how silly you may look to yourself or others.
Because if we don't celebrate life, we don't truly live it.
We just shuffle through.
