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Many young men exhibit lower emotional intelligence (EQ) than their female counterparts. To you ladies out there, this is not breaking news.
In part this is a function of neurology. The male brain matures more slowly, meaning many guys under 30 have yet to fully develop their prefrontal cortex, the “executive function” of the brain that helps regulate emotional expression. High emotional intelligence requires a balance between the thinking brain (pre-frontal cortex) and the feeling one (limbic system). That’s challenging until the former becomes sufficiently developed.
The other influence is culture. In general, we sculpt males to repress emotions that exhibit vulnerability and to amplify those demonstrating so-called strength and power.
So what? Well, EQ is the attribute most closely associated with positive interpersonal relationships, particularly romantic ones. If you want to be a good emotional partner, it’s a must-have capacity.
Briefly, emotional intelligence involves four basic characteristics:
- Self-Awareness: The ability to recognize our emotions as they are happening.
- Social Awareness: The capacity to identify and understand emotions in others, and to feel with them (empathy).
- Self-Management: The ability to regulate our emotional reactions rather than being under their control.
- Relationship Management: The capacity to effectively interact with others on an emotional level, to build rapport and manage conflict.
How do you know?
How do you know if someone has low EQ? They struggle to recognize how they feel while feeling it, lack empathy, seem clueless about emotions in others, often become emotionally hijacked by their feelings, and are poor communicators who frequently create conflict with others.
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Elon Musk is one highly visible example. He possesses a high IQ but remains hobbled by a low EQ. His impulsivity, combativeness and lack of empathy are proof positive.
Unfortunately, for many young men, fostering emotional intimacy is not their strong suit, a sobering fact not lost on women. In fact, it is changing female dating behavior. A recent survey showed 62% of single ladies are not interested in dating men, at least not seriously. This is particularly true among those of prime dating age, their twenties and thirties.
Finding a high EQ male in that age range can be challenging, while dealing with a low EQ guy usually proves frustrating, off-putting and, sometimes, risky. What’s more, most women don’t enjoy participating in something called “mankeeping,” meaning compensating for the male’s low EQ by repeatedly accommodating their emotional immaturity.
Life Experience
One offshoot of this is that an increasing number of Gen Z women are open to dating older men. On average, men’s emotional intelligence tends to increase with age and life experience.
This is particularly frustrating to Gen Z guys because, unlike their female peers, the vast majority of them are very interested in dating. In part, this could be fueling the rise of incels, men who are involuntarily celibate. They tend to blame women for their sexual abstinence and are at risk of become misogynistic and feeling sexually entitled.
Do most younger men exhibit low EQ? Surveys are mixed, but, when asked, most females believe they do. Frankly, the ladies ought to know. Their direct experience may be a more reliable measure because unbiased assessments of EQ across the general population are hard to come by.
The good news is that EQ is an aptitude we can learn and amplify. So, bucking this trend is within the grasp of these men, and some are doing so. But too many, it seems, are not. You can’t increase your emotional intelligence by interacting with a device seven hours a day (the average among Gen Z), or by hanging out with a bunch of low EQ buddies and getting sloshed.
Interviews and surveys tell us that an increasing number of young, single women are walking away from emotionally unavailable men or the ones who are always pissed off. They are not interested in carrying the emotional freight in the liaison.
In their own fashion, they are saying, “Your momma is not in this relationship.”
For more, visit philipchard.com.
