Talk to Yourself . . . Out Loud

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Image by Vaselena

Mouth Talking

I was in the middle of a conversation when a colleague knocked on my partially open office door and stuck her head in. Apologizing for the interruption, she observed that I was the only person in the room and not on my phone.

“Who were you talking to?” she asked

“I was talking to myself,” I replied.

“You talk to yourself out loud?” she inquired, smiling awkwardly.

“Frequently,” I stated.

What’s more, it’s an activity I sometimes encourage in my clients. Often, this suggestion elicits some degree of unease or wariness. Why? It pushes against an ingrained bias in our culture, one that views talking to oneself out loud as a symptom of “mental problems.”

Silent Conversation

    Do some people with serious mental disorders engage in this behavior? Sure. And so do lots of people who are mentally healthy. From my perspective, talking to oneself in this manner often improves rather than worsens psychological problems.

Here’s the deal. We all spend far more time with ourselves than with anyone else. What’s more, much of this time involves thinking, which is basically a silent conversation in one’s mind which we call “self-talk.” Often, this mental blather ghosts through the brain in circuitous loops like a broken record. Left to propagate in the echo chamber of the mind, it becomes chronic.

Moving this silent inner dialogue into an open conversation with oneself can be an effective form of self-care. The vast majority of my clients using it report positive benefits. Like what?

Mental Tape Loop

Let’s say you worry a lot. An obsessive and apprehensive mental tape runs unimpeded in your head. If you say your worries out loud and then invite another part of you (we all harbor multiple personas) to chime in, you transform that cognitive loop into a conversation. The whole dynamic changes in a way that short circuits the worrying.

Another area this technique effectively addresses is self-criticism. Unless you’re a narcissist or a sociopath, you probably get on your own case at times, if not chronically. Sure, a measure of self-criticism, delivered respectfully, is appropriate on occasion, but not when it gets nasty.

When we speak our self-reproach out loud, it can be a bit startling. It’s one thing to call yourself an idiot or worse in the privacy of your mind, and another altogether when you hear it coming from your mouth and into your ears.

“It stopped me in my tracks,” one client told me. “I was shocked to hear the tone and language I was using to berate myself.”

Inner Critic

Here again, it helps to invite another part of you that is more forgiving and understanding to strike up a conversation with the inner critic. When I do this, always in a respectful manner, the inner critic softens its tone and agrees to be more empathetic. Sure, it takes repetition, but not as much as one might suppose.

Some clients who frequently talk to themselves out loud report they have developed a persona in their mind that sounds more like a coach or even a therapist. That part of them can speak with the other parts that are worried, angry, guilt ridden, anxious, sad or just plain conflicted.

What’s more, the focus doesn’t always have to be a problem. Talking out loud to oneself in upbeat and supportive ways also creates added emotional impact. Complimenting oneself for achievements or good deeds, thanking oneself for getting through a tough time or situation, expressing appreciation for one’s laudable qualities and abilities . . . these and other positive feelings can be enhanced through this method.

An adage in the mental health field states, “Be careful what you are saying to yourself, because you are listening.” And one way to exercise that care is to say it out loud.