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New Year's resolutions
Have you resolved that January 1 will bring the dawning of a new you? Are you committed to transforming this frivolous holiday into a life juncture when the imperative to change for the better takes hold of your existence?
Unfortunately, New Year’s resolutions have an abysmal track record, leaving us to wonder why we fail so miserably in fulfilling our good intentions. Are we simply weak, sniveling primates who can’t push away from the dinner table, snuff out that final cigarette, or drag our posteriors over to the fitness center?
Sometimes, but usually there’s more to it than that.
Fizzle Out?
Most “I’m gonna change!” resolutions fizzle out because they don’t belong to their owners. Whether at New Years or otherwise, many of us resolve to change in order to meet the expectations of others or some oppressive cultural standard, rather than in response to our own heartfelt aspirations.
“Are you sure you want to lose weight?” I asked one client, a perpetual dieter who targets the dawning of every new year for an all-out assault on body fat.
“Absolutely!” she replied.
“Who do you want to lose weight for?” I pressed.
“Myself, of course,” she replied but, seeing my skeptical demeanor, reconsidered.
“Well, my husband thinks it would be a good idea, and so does my doctor and some close friends,” she added.
“That’s all fine for them, but I’m interested in whether you truly want to lose weight?”
“Yes and no,” she replied. “If I stop listening to what everyone else thinks I should do, maybe not so much.”
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Expectations of Others
Many New Year’s resolutions are not statements about our resolve to self-improve so much as they are expressions of our ambivalence, torn as we are between the expectations of others and our own intrinsic motivations.
“I’m gonna quit smoking for good!” often de-codes as “Everybody wants me to stop smoking and I want them to please them, so I’ll pretend to try.”
If you’re wondering whether your New Year’s resolution is your own or the amalgam of expectations from others or society at large, tune in to your inner voice, your intuition. If your statement of commitment (“I want to start exercising”) is followed by a hedge (“but I’m not sure I can find the time or energy”), then you may be spitting into the wind.
New Year’s resolutions sometimes change some folks a lot, but not in a positive manner. Because they usually fail, they end up eroding our self-confidence and sense of personal efficacy. Essentially, we prove to ourselves that we can’t change, that we won’t see things through, and that we are better at procrastination than personal transformation.
So, if you feel compelled to modify yourself in 2026, start by being honest about your intentions. If your attempt to create a “new you” stumbles out of the gate, it may be more of a revelation than a resolution, a revelation that says, “Not this change,” or “Not now,” or “Not this way.”
If so, concentrate instead on what you truly want to make better in yourself, even if it’s just seemingly little stuff, and pass on everybody else’s competing version of how to fix your life.
Because, as Oscar Wilde famously quipped, “Be yourself; everyone else is taken.”
