Photo by Tom Jenz
Debra Gillispie
Debra Gillispie
In September 2003, 22-year-old Kirk Patrick Bickham, Jr., a recent college graduate, was celebrating his new job with two friends at Alvin’s Icehouse Bar on Port Washington Avenue in Milwaukee. A young woman began flirting with the three men. Her jealous boyfriend stood by, watching. Soon after she left the bar, the boyfriend pulled a gun, shot and killed Kirk, Jr. and his two friends.
Kirk Jr.’s mother, Debra Gillispie, heard about the killings on the TV news before realizing it was her son among the murdered. “I remember going down the stairs to grab some coffee the day after I got the call, and when my husband came in and said, ‘It’s going to be OK,’ my coffee cup crashed to the floor,” said Gillispie. “I realized it wasn’t a nightmare. My son was really gone. Later, I hear the TV blaring—‘It must have been drug or gang related.’ How dare someone immediately stigmatize Kirk, Jr. because he was an African American male.”
The killer, Jakai Marion, was soon apprehended. He was sentenced to life in prison, no parole. It is unknown if his girlfriend ever paid him a visit.
After a period of extreme grief coupled with alcohol abuse, Debra Gillispie made a recovery and tried to help other grieving mothers whose children had been murdered in gun violence episodes. Twenty-two years ago, a year after her son died, she founded Mothers Against Gun Violence, which has gone onto become influential in supporting gun legislation.
Recently, I met Gillispie at Pilcrow Coffee on Walnut to hear her story. Despite a life filled with rocky crevasses, she has negotiated the valleys with clear purpose. Her delightful sense of humor has helped pull her through.
Tell me where you grew up, your community, your parents, neighborhoods and schools.
I grew up in Milwaukee’s Blackfish Bay, the neighborhood nickname. We lived near Seventh and Capital. We were the first Black family in that area for some time. My mom and dad had migrated to Milwaukee from the south. I did not find this out until later, but my sister and I were both foster kids. In grade schools, my sister and I were the only Black kids. Middle school was mixed with some Black kids, and it’s the first time I experienced a mass fight, white kids versus Black kids. The Black kids wanted me to side with them, but my friends were white kids.
Where did you go to high school and what was that like?
I went to James Madison High School, and that experience exposed me more to people who were tough kids of my ethnicity. I skipped school to hang out with a white and a Black kid. That is how I met my husband. I was 17, and I fell in love, quit school and got married. The following year, I had my first child, Kirk Jr. 18 months later, I had our daughter, Daylesha Louise.
What was your life like after you had your children? Tell me about your neighborhood, your husband, your work.
My brother owned property, and my own family lived in one of his duplexes on 24th and Center. We had good experiences back then. I sold advertising for the Black-owned Milwaukee Community Journal. I went back to school and earned my GED, then I attended UWM for a while, but dropped out when I got a job as a youth counselor at the Department of Corrections, working with juvies. I liked working with juveniles. My husband was a manager at Blockbuster video.
You lost your son, Kirk Patrick Bickham, Jr., to gun violence in 2003. Tell me about that tragedy and how it affected you.
Yes, September 2003. Kirk, Jr was 22 when he was out with two friends one night, celebrating his recent college graduation and his new job in the corporate world. A man named Jakai Marion was watching his girlfriend, and he became jealous because she was flirting with Kirk, Jr and his friends. Jakai gunned down all three men. My son was shot in the head. Jakai is still in prison and will never get out. I was so angry after the killings that I kept trying to find Jakai, get him arrested, but the police captured him. Later on, I focused on getting Alvin’s Icehouse closed, the bar where it happened. The bar did not have the metal detector operating, and Jakai got inside with his gun. But I do regret shutting down that bar. I was just so hurt and angry.
The next year, you founded Mothers Against Gun Violence. How did that come about?
I was fortunate to meet a woman who introduced me to the Million Mom March. I became the state and city lead for the Million Mom March. I learned about advocacy and lobbying, drafting legislation, advocating for better gun laws. But that work was on a national level, and I wanted to make that change here in Milwaukee. That is when I founded Mothers Against Gun Violence.
Your Mothers Against Gun Violence organization is even stronger today after over 20 years.
God has led me to different transitions. But back then, I was self-medicating. Basically, I became a functional drunk. If I wasn’t busy working or doing work for my organizations, I was drinking. I guess I wasn’t really dealing with the loss of my son. I didn’t realize it, but keeping busy blocked that loss out of my mind. One day, I walked in drunk to the Department of Corrections, and I quit my job.
Did you quit drinking back then?
Eventually, I did. I took classes for driving a semi-truck, and got a job driving a semi-truck cross country. I loved the power of being up high in that truck cab. I drove truck over the road for four and a half years. I’ve seen the United States twice over.
Quite an adventure. You must have been hanging out at truck stops.
I never parked in the back of those truck stops, always in the front. I was so blessed. I never was told to move. Mentally, I dealt with my grief, seeing the country, upset with God but also laughing with God. This helped me heal from the loss of my son.
You must have met some interesting people on your journeys.
I had a beautiful time on the road. I see bad things on the news, but I will tell you the majority of people are nice, caring and loving, no matter Black, white, Hispanic, Asian or mixed. But finally, I was ready to return home and get back involved with Mothers Against Gun Violence. While I was on the road, I recorded some stories of people whose relatives had experienced gun violence. I have over 100 recorded stories. Back in Milwaukee, I met Leslie Harris, a UWM professor. We started Voices of Gun Violence, a collaboration between UWM, Carroll University, and Mothers Against Gun Violence.
Not only did you lose your son, but much later, you lost your only daughter, Daylesha. When did that happen?
In 2022. I didn’t see that one coming. Daylesha was 38 and died of Fentanyl poisoning. It took a long time before her son, my grandson, felt comfortable hearing me talk about that. He is 24. I think he felt a stigma associated with the death of his mother. I will be partnering with the Center for Leadership of Afrikan Women’s Wellness on August 21, 2025 for National Fentanyl Prevention and Awareness Day, held at Washington Park.
Tell me about the VOGV Interactive Bus Shelters.
The bus shelter art is created by a UWM artist, Natalie Derr, who drew the pictures of the storytellers. To get access to the stories, you use your phone to scan the QR code, and then you can hear the spoken stories of the storytellers, who are the victims. One bus shelter even features stories by reformed perpetrators of murders.
Here is what I read about one of the stories. “Janice Gordon describes the story of her grandson being shot. Her strength, like so many others’, shines as a source of inspiration.” In another story, Adam Procell describes how he murdered a rival gang member when he was 15 and how he redeemed himself in prison and is now living a productive life helping the formerly incarcerated.
Those are both interesting stories, and all our Voices of Gun Violence interactive stories end with messages to the community and to our elected officials through the storyteller's thoughts on how we can end gun violence.
How do you think we can end gun violence?
Through gun legislation and with criminal background checks for all private citizens, who need to be held responsible for giving their guns to someone else.
Most of the gun violence is done with the use of illegal guns or guns obtained through the black market.
If a gun is stolen, it should be reported. As for the black market for guns, I don’t know how we can conquer that.
You also have to overcome the issue of the Constitution, the 2nd amendment in which citizens are allowed to bear arms.
I have no qualms about gun ownership. My husband owns guns. If I needed self-defense, I would need a gun. I just want gun owners to be responsible.
Do you coordinate your efforts with city police and the County Sheriff Department?
I am involved with their monthly criminal investigation meetings. We review police body camera footage and determine if the cop was at fault. I know that citizens want to view all body camera footage, but some of the incidents happen so fast, we can’t tell what actually happened even if the video is slowed down, or if the angle may be wrong.
Even eyewitnesses differ on what they observe.
Exactly.
I did a story on a veteran homicide detective a while back. He said the problem he had with eyewitnesses is that so many are reluctant to relate a witness story because the accepted practice in certain Black neighborhoods is you don’t tell on anyone else.
That is stupid. The no snitching policy has everything to do with education, social status and life experience.
You do public speaking on the subject of violence issues. What are some of the venues you’ve spoken at?
This year, The National Closed Case Conveying in North Carolina, the Prosecutors National Convention and several radio and television appearances. God is awesome.
Let’s say I recently lost a son or daughter to violence. What advice can you give to help me heal?
I’d give you a hug, say, “I’m so sorry for your loss.” A lot of survivors do not even know I’d lost two children to death. I try to focus on the survivors and keep my own story out of the picture. When a person is in that state of grief, they want someone to help them, to listen. Look at me. Took me five years before I dealt with my grief.
If you have lost a loved one to gun violence, contact
For hearing victim stories: uwm.edu/gunviolenceproject
The interactive bus stops can be found at 12th and Highland Blvd., Sixth and State St., 60th St. and Capital Drive and Capital Drive and Fond du Lac Ave.
