News of the Weird newspapers illustration
Car Wars
What began as a quiet family dinner at home quickly escalated into a front-yard brawl on April 22 in Bedford, Va. Fox News reported that Mark Turner, 56, his girlfriend, her son and his girlfriend had retired to the front yard after dinner when an argument broke out between the two men about whether Chevrolet or Ford makes better vehicles. According to Bedford County Commonwealth attorney Wes Nance, Turner allegedly pulled out a knife but ended up slashing his girlfriend’s back as she tried to calm the situation. Next, Turner went inside and retrieved a gun, but as his girlfriend again tried to get between him and her son, he shot her five times in the leg—he also shot her son in the arm, and two of his stray bullets hit the son’s girlfriend in her back and cheek. Finally, according to prosecutors, Turner barricaded himself in the house, where police eventually shot him with a beanbag round and took him into custody. Turner was charged with felony malicious wounding, use of a firearm in the commission of a felony and possession of a firearm by a felon.
Reptiles in Restaurants
Arnold Teeter, 49, became angry while dining at a Perkins restaurant in Painesville, Ohio, on April 16. First, he threw a menu at his waitress; when a manager stepped in, Teeter upped his game and grabbed his pet iguana from under his shirt, twirled it in the air and threw it toward the manager. Teeter was charged with disorderly conduct—as well as with cruelty to animals because Copper, his turquoise iguana, suffered a broken leg in the incident. The Lake County Humane Society has taken the reptile into protective custody and is trying to raise money for the surgery she needs, reports WEWS.
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Shelling Out Thousands
John Gardner was minding his own business, driving to work in Conway, S.C., on April 30 when “a big, black object” flew into his windshield, shattering the glass, according to WBTW. “I didn’t get hurt at all,” Gardner said, although he was covered in glass fragments. The flying object didn’t fare so well: A nearby truck had hit a tortoise crossing the road and projected it into Gardner’s car. Rob’s Auto Body said the animal died on impact. The truck driver was also unhurt, but it’s estimated that repairs to Gardner’s car will cost about $2,000.
Secreted Away Underwear
Sometimes a girl just wants a pretty new thing. But Aida Melcado, 18, and an unnamed minor accomplice, let greed get the best of them. Lower Allen Township Police say Melcado and her helper browsed through a Victoria’s Secret in the Capital City Mall in Bethesda, Md., on April 7, carrying large shopping bags and talking on cellphones. While the minor acted as a lookout, Melcado shoveled unmentionables into her bags, to wit: 375 hipster panties (worth $3,937.50); 375 cut thongs ($3,937.50); 1,000 thongs ($10,500); and 250 raw-cut hip-hugging panties ($2,625). The grand total was $21,000. Police told WPMT they later identified the thieves during a drug investigation in Fairfax County, Va.
An Absorbing Promotion
Bartender Sarah Krueger was hoping to raise awareness about women’s health issues at Yuzu in Lakewood, Ohio, when she introduced a new cocktail, the “Even Can’t Literally”—a red berry margarita sporting a tampon applicator as a garnish. She told WJW that $1 from the sale of each drink goes to the Domestic Violence and Child Advocacy Center in Cleveland, and patrons can decide whether they want the garnish included or not. Critics were quick to complain on social media, but bar owner Dave Bumba defended the promotion: “This is a small way to bring awareness to real good causes that we are behind.” Bumba also assured customers that the health department had OK’d putting the feminine hygiene product in the drinks.
Spokane Soda Jerks
In Spokane Valley, Wash., two thieves must have been really thirsty on May 1 when they heaved a 700-pound soda vending machine into the back of a pickup truck. Ryan King, owner of ProFormance Lube, noticed that the “monstrosity” of a vending machine was gone as soon as he arrived at work that morning. When he checked his surveillance camera footage, he saw two men loading it into the truck—even though the store is right across the street from a police station. “It just goes to show how brazen criminals can be,” King told KHQ. The machine was later found but was damaged beyond repair. Police are still on the lookout for the thieves.
© 2019 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION
