News of the Weird: Nov. 14, 2019

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Nose Out of Joint

Doctors at Westmead Hospital in Sydney, Australia recently documented a peculiar case in the British Medical Journal’s Case Reports. A 48-year-old former prison inmate had been suffering from sinus infections, nasal congestion and headaches for years, UPI reported. Doctors treating the man performed a CT scan and discovered a rhinolith—a stone made of calcium—in his nasal cavity, which, when removed, was found to have formed around a small balloon with cannabis inside. The patient then recalled that, when he was in prison about 18 years earlier, his girlfriend had smuggled in the little marijuana-filled balloon during a visit, which he inserted in his nose to hide it. But he pushed it too far in and could never retrieve it; he’d always assumed he had simply swallowed it.

No Excuse

Belinda Gail Fondren, 52, of Evans, La., was charged with filing or maintaining false public records on Wednesday, Oct. 23, after it was discovered that she was writing fake doctor’s notes for high school students so they could get out of class. Fondren, who worked at a medical clinic, charged $20 for each excuse, Vernon Parish Sheriff Sam Craft told WTAP. He also said it was common knowledge among students that the excuses were for sale. Two students obtained excuses on 14 occasions, he said. Fondren’s fraud came to light when someone from the Vernon Parish school board called a doctor about the notes, which he denied having authorized. Her bond was set at $15,000.

Too Chicken to Drive

A 42-year-old Milwaukee man was cited for drunken driving while having a live chicken on his shoulder. A witness told Milwaukee Police on Sunday, Nov. 3, that the man’s car was swerving in traffic in Oak Creek, and that a chicken was perched on the driver’s left shoulder, according to a police report. Officers pulled the man over and found the chicken inside. Police issued a citation for his third DWI offense; officers also contacted the Milwaukee Area Domestic Animal Control Commission, who took the chicken into custody.

Snakes, Go Forth!

North Carolina’s Madison County Public Library system has had a loosely enforced rule against bringing pets into its branches. But on Tuesday, Oct. 8, interim director Peggy Goforth appeared before the county’s board of commissioners to request a new policy that tightly restricts animals to only service dogs. Goforth felt she had to advocate for stricter rules after a man brought a bag full of snakes into the library, reported the Citizen Times. “He said, ‘My pets are harmless. Here, let me show you,’” Goforth said, “and he poured them out onto the front desk. They just wriggled everywhere.” When told pets weren’t allowed in the library, “he just bagged up all the snakes and left,” she added. She said another man brought in an ant farm and took the top off to feed them, then forgot to put it back on. “The ants got everywhere.” The library’s new policy excludes all animal species except dogs that are trained to help a person with a disability.

Nice Try

Workers at a branch of Pinnacle Bank in Lincoln, Neb., were stymied on Monday, Oct. 28, when a man arrived hoping to open a checking account with… a $1 million bill, the Lincoln Journal Star reported. Bank employees argued with him that it wasn’t real (the largest denomination bill ever minted was for $100,000, and it was never put into public circulation). Eventually he left, with his bill but without an account. Lincoln police are hoping to identify him from surveillance video so they can check on his welfare.

Sh*t Storm

Residents of Kansas City, Mo., were puzzled by a foul smell in the air on the evening of Wednesday, Nov. 6, according to KSHB. Meteorologists at the National Weather Service came to the rescue with an explanation: A cold front that moved into the area from the north included a shallow mixing layer that had trapped the odors from Minnesota and Iowa in it. As they politely put it: “Strong winds transported in a southeasterly direction an agriculture smell.”

© COPYRIGHT 2019 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION