News of the Weird newspapers illustration
The Devil Made Me Do It
Jeremiah Ehindero, 41, pastor of the Jesus Miracle Church in Sango-Ota, Nigeria, blamed “the devil” for his trouble with the law after stealing an SUV from a local Toyota dealership. Ehindero negotiated a price for the Highlander, which he said would be used for “evangelism,” then asked for a test drive, from which the pastor never returned, the Daily Post reported. He later sold the vehicle to a spare parts dealer for about $1,650. According to police, Ehindero confessed he stole the car to repay a loan from a bank in Lagos after the tithes and offerings he’d collected from his congregation were insufficient to cover his personal debts. “When the pressure from the bank became unbearable for me, the devil told me to steal a vehicle from the car dealer to sell and use the proceeds to repay the loan. The devil is to blame.” Ehindero (not the devil) has been arrested and charged in Ondo State.
Vomiting Vultures!
An upscale neighborhood near the Ibis Golf and Country Club in West Palm Beach, Fla., is all a-flutter over some unwelcome guests: dozens of black vultures. The Palm Beach Post reports that a New York family can no longer visit the $700,000 vacation home they bought earlier this year because the birds have defecated and vomited all around it, leaving a smell “like a thousand rotting corpses,” claimed homeowner Siobhan Casimano. Homeowner Cheryl Katz put out fake owls with moving heads and blinking red lights for eyes to scare off the birds, but she said the vultures “ripped their heads off.” Katz had to summon police when the vultures became trapped in her pool enclosure and attacked each other: “Blood was everywhere,” she told the Post. Katz and other homeowners blame the invasion on a neighbor who feeds wildlife, supplying bags of dog food, roasted chicken and trays of sandwiches for the vultures’ enjoyment. Neighborhood association president Gordon Holness told the Post the neighbor has been issued a warning, but the migratory birds are otherwise protected by federal law.
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Ingratitude Hits a New Low
A young man identified only as Akash, in Yamunanagar, Haryana State in northern India, was a bit underwhelmed when he received a brand-new BMW from his parents for his birthday, reported Fox News on Monday, Aug. 12. Akash, who had been nagging his parents for a Jaguar, told police the BMW was “too small.” So, he pushed the new vehicle into a river, where it sank into deep water and had to be pulled out with a crane. “The youth was arrogant and kept insisting that he be given a Jaguar,” police said. “We could only afford to give him a BMW,” said his father. “We never imagined he would do anything like this.”
What Was Your First Clue?
An attempted burglary in Oronoco Township, Minn., unfolded in an unusual manner on Thursday, Aug. 15. Police responded to a burglary-in-progress call to find that alleged thief Kirsten Hart, 29, had scuffled with a 64-year-old woman before making off with pill bottles, debit and credit cards, $150 in cash and a fake $1 million bill. Hart had run out of the house with part of her shirt ripped off, which led a passing motorist to ask if she was hurt and needed a ride. Hart accepted—climbing into the trunk of the car, according to KIMT. The driver later told police he quickly realized something wasn’t right but panicked and drove off. Police also said they found iPads stolen from a local STEM school in Hart’s car. She and an accomplice face multiple charges.
Will the Attitudes Change, Too?
Perhaps not so much “weird” as, hopefully, somewhat influential, those in the criminal justice system are getting new monikers in San Francisco, thanks to the board of supervisors’ new “person-first” language guidelines. For example, the San Francisco Chronicle reported, someone just released from prison will be a “justice-involved person” and a repeat offender will be a “returning resident.” Probationers will be “persons under supervision.” Those under-18 with criminal records will be known as “young people impacted by the juvenile justice system.” Those suffering from addiction will be “people with a history of substance use.” Words such as “convict” and “inmate” “only serve to obstruct and separate people from society and make the institutionalization of racism and supremacy appear normal,” the board’s resolution reads. “Referring to them as felons is like a scarlet letter,” Matt Haney, board supervisor, said.
© 2019 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION
