Free Will Astrology: Week of September 2, 2024

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ARIES (March 21-April 19): In 2015, a large earthquake struck Nepal, registering 7.8 on the Richter scale. It was so powerful, it shrunk Mt. Everest. I mention this, Aries, because I suspect you will generate good fortune in the coming months whenever you try to shrink metaphorical mountains. Luckily, you won’t need to resort to anything as forceful and ferocious as a massive earthquake. In fact, I think your best efforts will be persistent, incremental, and gradual. If you haven’t gotten started yet, do so now.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): We don’t know the astrological sign of Egyptian Queen Cleopatra, who ruled from 51 to 30 BCE. But might she have been a Taurus? What other tribe of the zodiac would indulge in the extravagance of bathing in donkey milk? Her staff kept a herd of 700 donkeys for this regimen. Before you dismiss the habit as weird, please understand that it wasn’t uncommon in ancient times. Why? Modern science has shown that donkey milk has anti-aging, anti-bacterial, and anti-inflammatory qualities. And as astrologers know, many of you Tauruses are drawn to luxurious and healing influences that also enhance beauty. I recommend you cultivate such influences with extra verve in the coming days.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In two trillion galaxies stretched out across 93 billion light years, new stars are constantly being born. Their birth process happens in stellar nurseries, where dense clouds of gas coalesce into giant spheres of light and heat powered by the process of nuclear fusion. If you don’t mind me engaging in a bit of hyperbole, I believe that you Geminis are now immersed in a small-scale, metaphorical version of a stellar nursery. I have high hopes for the magnificence you will beget in the coming months.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): The planet Mars usually stays in your sign for less than two months every two years. But the pattern will be different in the coming months. Mars will abide in Cancer from September 5 to November 4 and then again from January 27 till April 19 in 2025. The last time the red planet made such an extended visit was in 2007 and 2008, and before that in 1992 and 1993. So what does it mean? In the least desirable scenario, you will wander aimlessly, distracted by trivial battles and unable to decide which dreams to pursue. In the best scenario, you will be blessed with a sustained, fiery devotion to your best and most beautiful ambitions.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Famous rock musicians have on occasion spiced up their live shows by destroying their instruments on stage. Kurt Cobain of the band Nirvana smashed many guitars. So did Jimi Hendrix, who even set his guitars on fire. I can admire the symbolic statement of not being overly attached to objects one loves. But I don't recommend that approach to you in the coming weeks. On the contrary, I believe this is a time for you to express extra care for the tools, machines, and apparatus that give you so much. Polish them up, get repairs done, show them you love them. And if you need new gizmos and gear to enhance your self-expression, get them in the near future.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In all of world history, which author has sold the most books? The answer is Agatha Christie, born under the sign of Virgo. Readers have bought over 2 billion copies of her 70-plus books. I present her as a worthy role model for you during the next nine months. In my astrological opinion, this will be your time to shine, to excel, to reach new heights of accomplishment. Along with Christie, I invite you to draw encouragement and inspiration from four other Virgo writers who have flourished: 1. Stephen King, 400 million in sales from 77 books. 2. Kyotaro Nishimura, 200 million in sales from over 400 books. 3. Leo Tolstoy, 413 million from 48 books. 4. Paul Coelho, 350 million from 28 books.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Centuries before the story of Jesus Christ’s resurrection, there was a Greek myth with similar themes. It featured Persephone, a divine person who descended into the realm of the dead but ultimately returned in a transfigured form. The ancient Festival of Eleusis, observed every September, honored Persephone's down-going and redemption—as well as the cyclical flow of decay and renewal in every human life. In accordance with astrological omens, I invite you to observe your own version of a Festival of Eleusis by taking an inventory: What is disintegrating and decomposing in your own world? What is ripe for regeneration and rejuvenation? What fun action can you do that resembles a resurrection?

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The coming weeks will be an excellent time to take inventory of your community and your network of connections. Here are questions to ask yourself as you evaluate whether you already have exactly what you need or else may need to make adjustments. 1. Are you linked with an array of people who stimulate and support you? 2. Can you draw freely on influences that further your goals and help you feel at home in the world? 3. Do you bestow favors on those you would like to receive favors from? 4. Do you belong to groups or institutions that share your ideals and give you power you can’t access alone?

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.” Sagittarian humorist James Thurber said that, and now I’m conveying it to you. Why? Well, I am very happy about the progress you’ve been making recently—the blooming and expanding and learning you have been enjoying. But I’m guessing you would now benefit from a period of refining what you have gained. Rather than even more progress, I feel you need to consolidate and integrate the progress you have so robustly earned.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The people of Northern Ireland have over 70 colorful slang terms for being drunk. These include splootered, stonkied, squiffy, cabbaged, stinkered, ballbagged, wingdinged, bluttered, and wanked. I am begging you, Capricorn, to refrain from those states for at least two weeks. According to my reading of the omens, it's important for you to avoid the thrills and ills of alcohol. I am completely in favor of you pursuing natural highs, however. I would love you to get your mind blown and your heart opened through epiphanies and raptures that take you to the frontiers of consciousness.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Beginning 11,000 years ago, humans began to breed the fig. It's the world’s oldest cultivated food, preceding even wheat, barley, and legumes. Many scholars think that the fig, not the apple, was the forbidden fruit that God warned Adam and Eve not to munch in the famous Biblical passage. These days, though, figs rarely make the list of the fruits people love most. Their taste is regarded by some as weird, even cloying. But for our purposes, I will favorably quote the serpent in the Garden of Eden: "When you eat the fig, your eyes will be opened and you will be like God." This is my elaborate way of telling you that now may be an excellent time to sample a forbidden fruit. Also: A serpent may have wise counsel for you.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The coming weeks would be an excellent time to file lawsuits against everyone who has ever wronged you, hurt you, ignored you, misunderstood you, tried to change you into something you're not, and failed to give you what you deserve. I recommend you sue each of them for $10 million. The astrological omens suggest you now have the power to finally get compensated for the stupidity and malice you have had to endure. JUST KIDDING! I lied. The truth is, now is a great time to feel intense gratitude for everyone who has supported you, encouraged you, and appreciated you for who you really are. I also suggest you communicate your thanks to as many of your personal helpers and heroes as you can.