Chuck Shepherd's News Of The Weird

Police Reports 

• In some jurisdictions, a driver can be presumed impaired with a blood alcohol reading as low as .07 (and suggestively impaired at a reading below that), but according to a WMAQ-TV investigation in February, some suburban Chicago police forces allow officers to work with their own personal readings as high as .05. (While officers may be barred from driving at that level, they may not, by police union contract, face any discipline if they show up for work with a reading that high.)

• From the Blotter: (1) Arlington County, Va., police reported in February that a resident of Carlin Springs Road told officers that someone entered her home and stole chicken from her simmering crock pot—but only the chicken, leaving the vegetables as they were. The report noted that they had no suspects. (2) Prison guard Alfredo Malespini III, 31, faces several charges in Bradford, Pa., resulting from a marital dispute in March, when, presumably to make a point, he tried to remove his wedding ring by shooting it off. (The ring remained in place; his finger was mangled.)

Fetishes on Parade

In March, a 19-year-old New York University student described to the New York Post her one-night experience last year as a foot-fetish prostitute at a spa in which men paid a $100 entrance fee plus $20 for each 10 minutes of fondling and kissing young women's feet. She said the men wore business suits, which they kept on the whole time, and that the dressed-up women had to first pass a strict foot examination by the "pimp," seeking candidates with the desired "high arches and small feet." She guessed that more than two-dozen men patronized the spa during her shift and that she earned $200, including tips.

Readers' Choice

(1) In March, Jose Martinez pocketed an $8,000 settlement from California's Disneyland after he was stranded on a broken It's a Small World ride for a half-hour in 2009. Because Martinez is disabled, he could not easily be rescued and was forced, he said, to listen to the "It's a Small World" song on an endless loop until help arrived. (2) A woman and her son doing yard work at their home in Texarkana, Texas, in March "cleverly" dealt with a menacing snake by dousing it with gasoline and setting it afire, but of course it slithered away—under brush next to their house. Moments later, the home caught fire and burned down, and their neighbor's house was heavily damaged.

Great Art!

Sculptor Richard Jackson introduced "Bad Dog" as part of his "Ain't Painting a Pain" installation at California's Orange County Museum of Art in February. Outside, to coax visitors in, Jackson's "Bad Dog's" hind leg was cocked, with gallons of yellow paint being pumped onto the building. "We'll see how long it lasts," he told the Los Angeles Times, "… you never know how people will react. Sometimes, people feel they should protect their children from such things, then the kids go home and watch 'South Park.'"

David Walsh's 2-year-old Museum of Old and New Art in Hobart, Australia, is acquiring a reputation for irreverence. Among the exhibits is Greg Taylor's "My Beautiful Chair," which invites a visitor to lie next to a lethal injection machine and experience a countdown, mimicking the time it takes for euthanasia drugs to kill (and then flashing "You Are Dead"). Also, at 2 p.m. each day, a "fresh fecal masterpiece" is created by artist Wim Delvoye, in which a meal from the museum's restaurant is placed into a transparent grinder that creates slush, turns it brown and adds an overpowering defecation-like smell. The resulting "masterpiece" is channeled into (also transparent) vats.

Career-Ending Jobs for Runway Models: British "design engineer" Jess Eaton introduced her second "high-fashion" collection in December at London's White Gallery, this time consisting of supposedly elegant bridal wear made in part with roadkill, cat and alpaca fur, seagull wings and human bones.

© 2013 CHUCK SHEPHERD