In September, in Regina, Saskatchewan,David McKay, 28, finally pleaded guilty to obstruction of justice afterinitially lying to police officers who were trying to serve a warrant on himfrom an earlier incident. McKay had repeatedly claimed that he was"Matthew McKay," not "David McKay," even at the stationhouse, when a search revealed that "David McKay" was tattooed on hisback.
Undignified Deaths
(1) A 40-year-old man fatally shot himself inImperial, Mo.,in September while attempting to teach gun safety to his girlfriend. The gunfired when the man was quizzing the woman as to whether or not the gun's safetymechanism was engaged (the man performed this “lesson” while pointing the gunat his head).
The Continuing Crisis
Australian Adventures: In June, after a monitored, endangered marsupialcalled a “woylie” was killed in Western Australia, scientists set out to recover theexpensive radio collar transmitter it was wearing. But as they approached thesignal, a 6-foot-long python swallowed the woylie and its collar. Thescientists captured the snake, intending to wait for the collar to passthrough, but poachers broke into the Department of Environment andConservation's shelter and stole the python, allegedly intending to sell it.According to a June report in The WestAustralian, the scientists, aided by authorities, eventually picked up theradio transmissions again, arrested one person, and freed the snake from itsimpending life of captivity.
In a delicate, two-hour procedure at a hospital in Newport Beach,Calif., in September, firefighters carefully sawed off the inch-thick metalring (for use with dumbbells) into which a man had inserted his penis threedays earlier. He told surgeons his plan was to lengthen the organ in order to,as he put it, "make me the chief of my tribe." By the time he got tothe hospital, his member was swollen to more than twice its normal size, andsawing the ring off (without cutting the skin) was the only way to save it.
Bright Ideas
The mayor of the Paris suburb of Levallois-Perret, faced with an overcrowded highwayrunning through town, "solved" the problem by making the streetone-way and sending traffic into the adjacent town of Clichy-la-Garenne. That city's mayor (apolitical rival of the Levallois-Perret mayor)reacted by making his portion of the highway a one-way road back toward Levallois-Perret,creating a dilemma at the city limit. Other authorities are working to resolvethe impasse.
Chutzpah! In the tiny town of Tenaha, Texas, police allegedlyextorted traveling motorists by subjecting them to bogus traffic stops and thenoffering to forgo prosecution if the motorists would forfeit their cars andother property. The forfeited items were then sold to fund a special policeaccount. Last year, the ACLU of Texas filed a federal civil rights lawsuitagainst both the police and local prosecutor Lynda Russell. In September 2009,Russell asked the state attorney general if she could pay her legal expensesfrom the alleged extorted account.
Senior Living
Ella Orko, 86, was arrested in Chicago in August andcharged with shoplifting $252 worth of groceries and sundries, includinganti-wrinkle cream. It was Orko's 61st arrest.
Fine Points of the Law
Judge James Morley dismissed animal crueltycharges in September against former Moorestown, N.J., police officer Robert MeliaJr., who had been caught in 2006 attempting to sexually gratify himself byusing the mouths of calves. Because the state has no anti-bestiality statute,Melia was charged with animal "cruelty," but Judge Morley said he wasuncertain whether the acts were "cruel" or merely confusing. Hereasoned that calves would normally recognize an appendage in their mouths asthe prelude to food. If the calf could speak, said Judge Morley, it mightmerely say, "Where's the milk? I'm not getting any milk."
Fetishes on Parade
(1) Jerry Lowery, 38, surrendered to police inMilwaukee inJuly in connection with three thefts of expensive eyeglasses from localretailers. He admitted that he "really (likes) to be around glasses"and has had this "problem" for about 15 years. (2) Police inCommerce, Texas, arrested a man in September and charged him with twiceapproaching a female clerk at Commerce Hardware, holding up a piece of paperwith powder on it and blowing it into her face to provoke sneezing. "Hebecomes aroused by females sneezing,” Police Chief Kerry Crews said of thealleged perpetrator. “In my entire career I've never heard of anything like this."
Love Hurts
Tom Elton, 54, and Brenda Blondell, 59, bothconvicted murderers who later became prison-rights activists, eventually wonparole and performed community work together in Vancouver, British Columbia.Ultimately, they ended up marrying each other. However, in June, policearrested Elton and charged him with murdering Blondell.
© 2009 Chuck Shepherd
