News of the Weird: July 12, 2018

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Want to Get Away?

Many citizens of the world are weary of the war and strife that seem to be consuming the news, and about 200,000 of them have already signed up to put it all in the rear-view mirror by becoming citizens of Asgardia. This coming-soon colony on the moon is led by Igor Ashurbeyli, a Russian engineer, computer scientist and businessman who was inaugurated as its leader on June 25 in Vienna. Asgardia’s parliament plans to set up “space arks” with artificial gravity in the next 10 to 15 years, where its projected 150 million citizens can live permanently, Reuters reports, and Ashurbeyli hopes settlement on the moon will be complete within 25 years. Asgardia is named after Asgard, a “world in the sky” in Norse mythology. Its leaders hope to attract a population from among the “most creative” in humanity, perhaps using “IQ tests,” according to Ashurbeyli. Best of all: For the time being, becoming a citizen online is free.

Oh, Fudge

KCCI TV in Des Moines, Iowa, reported on June 27 the loss of a tractor-trailer load of chocolate when the truck caught fire near Dexter, Iowa. The trailer, full of chocolate from Hershey, Pa., was westbound when it experienced brake problems that caused it to ignite. The driver pulled off and was able to detach the trailer from the cab before it caught fire. No injuries were reported, except to the chocolate, which was a total loss.

Weird Science

Montgomery, Ala., resident Kayla Rahn, 30, had been trying for months to lose weight, but instead experienced dramatic weight gain and pain in her stomach. She became out of breath just taking a short walk. Finally, in May, Rahn’s mother took her to the emergency room at Jackson Hospital, where doctors discovered a growth attached to her ovary and removed what turned out to be a 50-pound, benign cyst, reported WSFA 12 News. The cyst resembled a large watermelon in size. “This is one of the largest I have ever seen,” Dr. Gregory Jones told reporters. “We are very excited things went well for her.”

Weird Food

Minor league baseball teams come up with some wacky promotional ideas, and “Sugar Rush Night” at the Erie (Pa.) SeaWolves game on June 23 didn’t disappoint. WNEP TV noted that one highlight was the cotton candy hot dog: a wiener nestled in a cloud of cotton candy, then sprinkled with Nerds candies. Brave SeaWolves fans could top off the meal with a cotton candy ball: ice cream covered with sprinkles and enclosed in cotton candy. Maybe the sugar rush was too much for the players; they lost 5-3 to the Altoona (Pennsylvania) Curve.

Recurring Theme: Airport Nudity

Travelers aboard a Delta Air Lines flight that had just landed at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport in Atlanta on June 26 were startled when a nearly naked man ran up to their plane and jumped onto a wing, then attempted to open an emergency exit. Jhyrin Jones, 19, had scaled a fence topped with razor wire to reach the runway; just minutes before, he had jumped on some parked cars at a nearby construction site and threatened to “kill y’all, I’m going to blow this place up, trust nobody, you better believe me,” according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. A police report indicated Jones “appeared to be under the influence of narcotics.” He was charged with criminal trespass and public indecency, among other things.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

Early on June 26, a man who had been sleeping on the South Miami Avenue bridge over the Miami River got a rude awakening as the drawbridge started to raise to allow a boat to pass underneath. Witness Khadijah Andrews had seen the man as she was walking to an early yoga class, she told WSVN TV, and she looked for him when the bridge began rising. Fortunately, he woke up after sliding down a ways and was able to hold on until the bridge was lowered. Andrews said the unnamed man walked away with no apparent injuries: “You think you’re about to watch a man lose his life. It’s just terrifying. I never want to see that again.”

© 2018 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION