News of the Weird newspapers illustration
Hit the Road, Jack
Joshua Jack of Auckland, New Zealand, received an email from his bosses at an ad agency informing him that he was expected at a “redundancy meeting” to discuss his future at the company. Even more alarmingly, the New Zealand Herald reported, they suggested he was welcome to bring along a support person, such as a friend or family member. “Sensing the bad news, I decided I’d need the best support person available,” Jack wrote on Facebook, “so I spent $200 ($127 U.S.) to hire a clown.” As the co-workers discussed Jack’s exit, the clown blew up balloons, folded them into animals and mimed crying when Jack was, in fact, fired. Jack said his bosses found the humor in the situation, and he has already landed another job.
Magpie Mayhem
It’s springtime in Australia, which means if you’re headed outside down under, you’ll want to carry a big stick with you. September and October are the height of magpie swooping season, when nesting magpies are known to attack walkers, runners and bike riders in defense of their young. While they’re only 12 inches long or so, 7News reported, the black-and-white birds can cause a lot of pain with their sharp beaks, and there are always several injuries. Last year, a man who was attacked as he rode his bike veered off the path and crashed, later dying of head injuries. “They’re never trying to hurt anyone or be malicious,” ornithologist Gisela Kaplan said. “It’s all about risk assessment.”
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Mind Your Marijuana Manners
Followers of Emily Post who are floundering with the rules for getting toasted will want to pick up the new book from her great-great-granddaughter, Lizzie Post. According to The New York Times, Higher Etiquette: A Guide to the World of Cannabis—From Dispensaries to Dinner Parties offers tidbits of advice for a variety of situations; to wit: Don’t eat all the munchies; avoid words like “pothead” and “weed,” which can have negative connotations; and tip your “budtender” well, as they probably make minimum wage. “Etiquette,” Post reminds us, “can be so easy.”
Wigged-Out Bandits
In the overnight hours of Sept. 17, thieves targeting Prime Trading Hair and Wigs in Miami Gardens, Fla., rammed the front door repeatedly and eventually made off with $70-80,000 worth of wigs, some worth as much as $800 apiece, reported WFOR. Business owner Rakib Hossain said the thieves “knew where the expensive products were, and they knew everything about the stock room.” (Thankfully, he was insured for his losses.) In a strange twist, the burglary at Prime Trading follows a similar incident two weeks earlier, right across the street at Subi Training Inc., where criminals stole up to $100,000 worth of products—including wigs.
Nassau Nookie
In their booking photos, Aaron Thomas, 31, and Megan Mondanaro, 35, are both sporting somewhat sly grins, and no wonder: After they were detained near midnight on Sept. 13 for drunk bicycling in Fernandina Beach, Fla., the couple passed the time in the back of the patrol car by stripping off their clothes and having sex. Nassau County Sheriff’s deputies pulled Thomas, who was fully naked, out of the car, but he escaped, The Florida Times-Union reported. (He was later found hiding behind a nearby ice cream store.) The two were charged with lewd and lascivious exhibition, threats against public officials, attempted escape, resisting arrest with violence, exposing sexual organs and theft, along with the original charge, but now almost an afterthought, DUI.
OU Disavows Uher
Tyler Uher—whom Ohio University has explicitly confirmed is NOT a student at the institution—suffered numerous injuries on Sept. 13 after he climbed an electric pole near the Athens, Ohio, campus to the cheers of a raucous crowd below. At the top, Uher grabbed a live wire, which sent sparks flying and set his hand on fire, reported the Daily Mail. He then lost his footing and fell to the ground, about 30 feet below. One witness was shaken: “I thought he was dead. There’s no explanation for him living.” His injuries included three broken leg bones, four breaks in his back, numerous burns and other fractures. Uher’s sister, Danielle, started a GoFundMe page to help pay his medical bills, but it’s been mainly unsuccessful, and many aren’t having it. Comments include, “What in the name of God were you thinking!?” Athens police said that Uher may be charged with criminal mischief.
© 2019 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION
